People often tell each other their

plans. “What are you doing

tonight?”  They also talk

about their dreams — things they would do in an ideal

world. “What are you going

to do after college?”<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> Often, they are discussed in the same

way, as if there were no distinction between the two. But there is

a hefty difference between dreams and plans.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> 

It is probably with good reason that dreams

are spoken of in two ways. There are two kinds of

dreams. You can dream in

your sleep — that unconscious state of mental rejuvenation — or you

can dream of doing some valued accomplishment at a later

time. 

The two cases have this in common, though:

They don’t have to come true.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> Nor, in fact, are you actively doing

anything to make them come true in a tangible reality.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> Your conscious, thought-out dreams and

the unconscious wanderings of your resting mind are both complete

fabrications. 

Dreams you think of yourself — the ones you

don’t experience in your sleep — can more appropriately be termed

wishes. 

When I say to someone, “I’m going to be a

lawyer,” that is a plan. I

will graduate from Iowa State and go to law school.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> In preparation for that, I have taken

certain classes, lined up certain professors to write letters of

recommendation and have registered to take the LSAT — or anticipate

doing so in the near future.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> There is a timeline and sequence of

events attached to it. 

But when I say, “I want to be a lawyer,” I

don’t actually need to know anything about becoming or being a

lawyer. Most likely, I have

made that wish after watching the courtroom shenanigans of Alan

Shore on “Boston

Legal” or of Jack McCoy on “<span style=

“mso-bidi-font-style: normal;”>Law & Order.”<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> I make that statement because

something they have done has appealed to my senses.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> I don’t actually know what performing

the actions requires. 

There is certainly nothing wrong with wishing

as opposed to planning. We should all have ultimate goals for our

lives and desires to animate us.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> Wishing is, however,

dangerous. It is one of the

most emotional activities in which we humans engage.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> Wishing appeals to our sensibilities —

to the strings attached to our hearts.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> Wishing particularly appeals to

nostalgia. 

Webster defines nostalgia as “a wistful or

excessively sentimental sometimes abnormal yearning for return to

or return of some real or romanticized period or irrecoverable

condition or setting in the past.”<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> 

There is nothing wrong with contemplating the

past. But there is something wrong with, having wished for it,

doing nothing to retrieve it. If you wish for the way things used

to be, make it so. Friends

come and go, sometimes against our will.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> But if you want to spend time with old

ones you shared so much with, why not do so?<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> 

Why would you not even try to do

so? And if they refuse, why

would you not inquire as to the reason?<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> Once you do, you move from wishing to

planning. You move from an

introverted activity contained exclusively within your own self, to

an activity that impacts the world. Plans require interaction with

real people.  

Maybe that’s the difference.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> Maybe we wish so often for so much

because fulfillment of our wishes doesn’t necessarily depend on

ourselves. The requests you

make of an omnipotent genie are wishes; you have to make plans for

yourselves. Dreams don’t

have to come true. You can

wake up from them. You can

simply stop dreaming certain things.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> 

But plans?<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> Plans are different.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> If you want them changed, you have to

call someone and tell them not to meet you for coffee.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> You have to tell them not to expect

you at the movie theater that night.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> You have to disappoint

people. 

You also have to commit to people.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”>  In addition to risking disappointing

them, you must venture the risk of being disappointed

yourself. That’s

dangerous. It is in

committing to people that we expose ourselves to hurt.<span style=

“mso-spacerun: yes;”> 

To earn a reasonable rate of return from any

activity, financial or otherwise, a certain amount of capital must

be invested. Unless the

exposure happens — unless the risk is taken — the return will never

be realized. 

I’d rather be hurt by someone who cancels

plans than damage my own psyche by wishing for things I’m too

afraid to plan on.