Editorial: Oscars schmoscars, what happened to the superheroes

Editorial Board

Justin Bieber is nominated for the coveted Grammy title of Best New Artist. Drake is also up for the award.

Both are Canadian. The two bands in the category — Florence & the Machine and Mumford & Sons — are both from Great Britain. Luckily folk artist Esperanza Spalding is from Oregon.

With the Grammys on Sunday, let’s reflect on another piece of America that is being snagged away: superheroes.

Christian Bale, Chris Hemsworth, Hugh Jackman, Ryan Reynolds, American superheroes can’t even be portrayed by Americans. The latest victim is Superman. British actor Henry Cavill will portray the Man of Steel in 2012.

Christopher Reeve, we need you now. Michelle Pheiffer and Jessica Alba, we need our California girls.

Hollywood, whataya want from the American man?

We love the way you lie about our culture and how much you think we like you just the way you are.

In Hollywood, it seems the romance often turns to misery. The teenage dream turned marriage between Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson certainly did. That love has become a bad romance.

Luckily we have Bollywood. We get happy endings over and over again. How low does Hollywood get? A fourth round of chasing pirates and Disney is already thinking “on to the next one” with a fifth and sixth in mind.

What else? A fourth season of “Jersey Shore.” Not to hate on it, there are plenty of people who watch it and are more than satisfied, but we weren’t even allowed a fourth season of “Arrested Development.”

“Jersey Shore’s” Vinny Guadagnino, who will be in Ames next month, says he’s a mama’s boy. Is America full of these? Do mama’s boys lead to babyfathers?

The ability to raise children bred to portray superheroes is still in our hands. It can’t be gone already.

The new generation of American men must shine and be capable of being the king of anything. Let your child be bitten by a radioactive spider.

Be not afraid. We are at a crossroads in reversing our next generation of men. Resistance to the status quo is key.

Hey you mothers and mothers-to-be, you soul sisters, don’t ignore the kids. Don’t shout out “let me hear you scream” upon every argument or make them go beg, steal or borrow money. Answer their telephone calls, but let go when the time comes.

The rest of the world should have nothin’ on you, America.

Thus far, the only exception is the female superhero: Halle Berry, Lynda Carter and that empire state of mind of Scarlett Johansson. I guess the halo still hangs over American women as superheroes.

Forget you non-American women. You can’t be superheroes, yet.