Hi, Jordan Wickstrom here, and I’m here to talk to you about the biggest rivalry in the world. Yes, the world.

That rivalry I’m talking about is the newly-created rivalry between ShamWow’s Vince and the infomercial king himself, Billy “The Beard” Mays.

In a recent interview on The Adam Corolla Show, Mays called out Vince, claiming Vince has stolen his products.

For some of you who have been living in a cave for the past year, ShamWow is this amazing towel that is supposed to last longer than a paper towel could ever dream of lasting. Mays claims that the idea of ShamWow was stolen from a product he pitched a few years back called Zorbeez. Zorbeez is a lot like ShamWow; it claims to be the most absorbent towel ever.

If you have heard the interview, you will know that Mays goes absolutely crazy. He claims that Vince has “woken up the sleeping giant” and went so far as to start referring to himself in the third person saying, “Billy Mays doesn’t take this. I am the ultimate pitchman.”

In the interview, Mays was willing to take the rivalry to the next level, by challenging Vince to a pitch-off.

So that brings me to my point. Which pitchman is better? Is it Mays? Or the man simply known as Vince from ShamWow?

For me, there is no way I could decide, because I am biased. I have tried ShamWow, and all I can say is sham-azing!

Because of my impartiality, I went to the streets and asked some people what they thought.

I asked various questions to different people. These questions were based off what my own ultimate pitch-off contest would include.

The questions asked included the following: From which pitchman would you most likely buy something? Whose career will last longer? In a Mixed Martial Arts-style match, who would win?

Some students agreed that Mays would be the guy from they would buy something. While most admitted both men were annoying, they told me they can withstand Mays yelling at them for longer periods of time than they can spend listening to Vince.

One student in particular singled out a commercial Vince does for the Slap-Chop. The student pointed out that at one point during the commercial Vince exclaims, “You’re going to love my nuts!” Because of that, the student refuses to buy anything Vince sells.

It was a unanimous decision that Vince’s career will fade to nothing before Mays’. Most actually said that it would by Mays’ beard that would save him. The beard has given him a cult fan base and has turned him into a pop culture phenomenon.

The results for the question regarding the MMA-style match was mixed. Granted, the questions were asked before the news that Vince was brutally beaten by a hooker was released.

Some said it would be Mays’ brute strength and his “mountain man” beard that would give him the edge. Others said that Vince easily has the quickness to dodge some of Mays’ attacks, and judging by his accuracy from the Slap-Chop commercial, he could throw an object at Mays and knock him out in seconds.

Before I reveal the ultimate winner, I would like to say that I believe Vince has an advantage. Despite his recent run-in with the law, Vince has welcomed himself into the 21st century. Mays may have the beard as his iconic look, but Vince has the headset.

Because of this, Vince from ShamWow has my vote. But don’t take my word for it — let’s look at the results.

After interviewing 20 people and tallying the votes, I came to the conclusion that the bearded one, Billy Mays, would win in an ultimate pitch-off.

So Mays lives to yell another day while Vince will join the jobless economy. Will there be a challenger to Mays’ infomercial king crown? Only time will tell.

 — Jordan Wickstrom is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Beresford, S.D..