Dating is a job interview for sex, and you are the resume. Think about it. In the end it comes down to sex, because you will either have sex the same night, somewhere down the road or once you get married.

Sex is something everyone talks about nowadays. So let’s talk about it. The original purpose of sex was always to procreate. Nowadays, sex resembles the Mars Sojourner, which goes around indiscriminately humping one rock after another.

The sheer exposure to sex everywhere is overwhelming. While visiting a friend at the University of Kentucky dorms, I had a craving for a snack.

As I put my money in the vending machine and scanned the selection, I saw Twix, Baby Ruth, Hershey’s, Snickers and Trojans … wait! Trojans and Snickers together?

It was decision time. Snickers or Trojans. I mean, one of the two is likely to satisfy. Personally, I think they are made by the same company, and this is a cheap marketing ploy!

Men and women have different attitudes about sex. Men are always in a hurry to have sex. They are all set and ready to go. It’s like being a fireman. They have a code, and you have to be ready to go put out the fire.

Women, on the other hand, are like the fire. They need to have the right conditions before anything can be put out! There are protocols to follow – protocols so elaborate and delicate that disarming a nuclear device looks like programming a VCR.

Foreplay is also another point of discussion. For women, this is a birthright, not a privilege.

They have to have 35-40 minutes of this before the fireman can proceed with the extinguishing process. It’s like prep time.

For a guy, the ride over to the woman’s place is foreplay. But when he gets there, he realizes “Oh shit! I forgot the schematics in the car!”

By the way, ladies, stop reading these bullshit articles in Marie Claire which tell you to satisfy your man by giving him a strip show.

Don’t do that. We will never stop laughing. You are not Demi Moore. We laugh at Demi Moore, for Christ’s sake.

Guys have a lot of sex simply for one reason. They want to be secure in knowing Johnny works.

Today, one does have to have sex with care, and by that I mean taking the right precautions. I say this because of the emergence of AIDS. This is an interesting new variable in the equation. You have sex, you die!

Anyone remember when the worst thing that could happen was that you’d have to buy breakfast? Imagine the day they cure AIDS. People will be having a lot of sex that day, and if you don’t, then give it up!

Sex can also be a dangerous thing besides AIDS and STDs. John Wayne Bobbitt and Basic Instinct have proven that.

Every guy would love to have a loaded gun underneath the pillow to grab in case the woman has a sudden urge to lunge for an ice pick.

After watching “When Harry Met Sally,” one has to wonder whether men and women can just be friends without ever thinking of having sex with each other. I think it’s impossible.

I have plenty of female friends who always get mad at me for showing the slightest interest in another woman, who happens to be a figure of modern pop culture.

How dare we think of having sex with a woman after we have thought of having sex with another woman?

Sexism is another interesting topic. If a bunch of guys are sitting around talking and see a beautiful woman, they may comment on how beautiful she is. This could be termed as sexism.

Why is that? As if women don’t treat guys as objects. Sure they do. If you don’t believe me, try putting on the scene from “Legends of the Fall” where Brad Pitt is naked. See how women react.

Guys feel like the geek in high school trying to ask the prom queen out, whereas women are too busy trying not to break the barometer with their hormonal changes and give us the “I love you. I am stuck with you because Brad is out of my league” hug.

Lastly, what is up with this law in Kentucky that anything besides sex in the missionary position is illegal?

I mean, how do cops have sex? Do they have a personal copy of the Kentucky statute which describes legal sex acts? Do they cross state lines to do anything beyond? Are doughnuts involved?

Whatever it is, sex is something that should be taken seriously and shared with someone you really care about.

Protect it like it’s a precious jewel. Don’t give it up like a free coupon for a burrito at Taco Bell.

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Imad Kahn is a contributing columnist for the Kentucky Kernel at the University of Kentucky in Lexington.