Humor: Top 10 cars for college students

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The crème de la crème of vehicles for college students, the Chevy Astro provides all the utility you need around Ames until you want to go visit your family and have to ask them to pick you up.

Eli Lindsey

Most college kids are under the impression a car is absolutely imperative to their existence, even when you only drive it two times a week. College is all about missing buses and walking through downright dangerous wind chills, but nevertheless you have a car that needs an upgrade or are looking to buy one. There are many things to consider when buying a car for college so be sure to check out this list of top cars before choosing your next ride.

 

10. Chevy Silverado 

The key for the Silverado is you have to splurge for the extra large diesel exhaust system and engine, otherwise it isn’t worth it. With the exhaust however, this truck is ideal for male freshmen so they can speed through campus and express their dominance via diesel truck.

 

9. Orion V Transit Bus

Preferably find a model recently phased out by CyRide. Buy it, restore it, memorize the bus schedule and pretend you’re a bus driver to collect those innocent passengers’ fares until the bus gods hunt you down. The best part is it’s your bus, so charge whatever you want to ride. This vehicle pays for itself over the course of only 14.5 years.

 

8. Buick LeSaber

There is a 93% chance your grandma owned one of these and barely put any miles on it.

 

7. Jeep Wrangler

The ideal car for white women who have unlimited access to daddy’s credit card. It even has lane assist and backup camera since college kids can’t drive but think they need a Jeep.

 

6. Ford Focus

This list is not legal in the state of Iowa if I don’t include at least one solid car with a stick shift option, so there.

 

5. Chevy Impala

This car is literally the most average car you could ever find. Moving on.

 

4.  Toyota Sienna

Perfect for those who did not beat teen pregnancy. These mom vans consume the world of vans like COVID – 19: they live forever and will never go away.

 

3. Subaru Outback

The Subaru has become a gay icon so show your pride and drive this reliable car. 

 

2. Honda Accord

The author of this article definitely doesn’t own one of these and is definitely not biased towards its superiority.

   

1. Chevy Astro

That’s right. This absolute hunk of beauty is hands down the best vehicle for college kids. The upfront costs run as low as $250 to buy which is unbeatable by any other car. Sure the upkeep on a van of such low standards is through the roof (no pun intended) but who really cares when you’re able to get a van for below 500 bucks? The Astro offers seemingly limitless interior space which is perfect for when your landlord inevitably kicks you out. The extra space also means that late night runs to Taco Bell will be much more comfortable for you and the lads. If you are smart you’ll use the van for “class field trips” that way your $352 gas bill can be written off on taxes. The Astro has all around bulk dominance of every vehicle and only scored a seven on the creepiness scale in focus groups, making this sexy van the perfect fit for college kids.