In the latest hit single “Happy” by artist Pharrell Williams, the music video showed people of all ages dancing on the street, at the airport, in school hallways, at a church, and pretty much anywhere you can think of.  It is pretty hard not to smile when you watch this video.  Happiness is contagious, and we automatically respond to positive emotions with similar feelings of our own.  If we think of happiness as a rare commodity, perhaps it is time we examine how much of it we give to others.

Ever since high school, and maybe even before that, we have learned to put “being cool” on a pedestal.  Every girl and guy that roamed the hallways would size each other up on one another’s appearance and attitude.  There is always an unspoken competition amongst each gender to be better liked, tougher, or prettier.  Now that we are in college, it is hard to get rid of that same zero-sum mentality that we have long acquired through our school environment.  A zero-sum view is the belief that if you share what you have with others, you will have less of it for yourself.  Competition and fear brews insecurity, so it is little wonder why nobody is happy; everyone wants to hoard happiness for themselves.  

So often we take for granted the praises that are given to us, but rarely do we think about returning it to others, much less give compliments to strangers.  Many of us are still trying to settle on an identity, and sometimes it is all we can do to be accepted among our friends.  I think there is too much glorification involved with being the silent “cool cat.”  Because the United States places so much emphasis on individual achievement, our mindset is every person for him/herself.  

College is nothing like high school; there is no more prom queen or king to totem pole the social hierarchy, and emphasis is placed upon collaboration and teamwork.  We have to step out of our comfort zone in order to expand our worldview and meet new people.

Perhaps a part of this vicious cycle is due to the stigma associated with emotions, especially in Western culture.  Emotions are said to be the opposite of logic and compromises our ability to rationalize and make the right decisions.  In most professional settings, being emotional is considered a vulnerability and a weakness.  Emotions are not “productive” and too unpredictable to be an asset, so we often suppress how we really feel in order to get things done.  

The thing is, not all emotions are bad.  Many studies, including one by Shawn Anchor in one of his TED talk, have shown a positive correlation between happiness and productivity.  We tend to think of happiness as something ordinary, but it can go a long way in both our work and our relationships.

An article by life-coach Celestine Chua brought to light the simple act of being “emotionally generous.”  It involves giving people praises and smiles without expecting anything in return and not focusing on their faults.  It is not simply giving compliments to others when they deserve it, but also being generous with kindness toward both strangers and the people close to us, unconditionally.  The more we give to others, the more we get in return. 

There’s nothing more crippling to our well-being than being emotionally stingy.  We all do it because we are afraid of being hurt or outcasted.  I was one of those people who did not give compliments to someone unless they deserve it.  I thought it was only fair to hold the same perfectionistic standards I have for myself to others.  I spent so much time trying to find flaws in other people that it was all I ever saw in a friend or acquaintance.  I strove to find the bad side, so that was what I got, and it fed a dissatisfaction I have with the world.

Later in college, I met some great friends who gave some the best compliments.  They gave genuine praises to everyone, even to people they had just met.  Not surprisingly, people were drawn to their positive energy because they made everyone feel important.  I learned from these great pals that compliments are something that cost us so little, yet give others so much.  I found that the more I care about others, the less anxious I feel, because all my focus is on them and not on my own problems.

True happiness comes from wanting others to be happy.  Not only will you attract more friends this way, it will also help you to become more observant of other’s needs, therefore help you become a better leader or a friend. 

In college, where we are thrust into a new environment and meeting new people, it is seductive to hide behind that passive, cool facade we have adopted from high school.  It is so much easier to just put on the headphones when class over so you do not have to interact with your classmates.  But the people you meet in college will be some of the most important friends and mentors you will have in your life.  By being kind and generous to every one you meet without expecting anything in return, you will find that its greatest benefit does not lie solely in valuable career connections, but in a sense of purpose to bring joy into people’s lives.  Happiness is the gift that keeps on giving, so why not start now?