Dear young people,

As a red-shirt senior (nah, I don’t play any sports), I feel obligated to share with young people some of the things that I have learned at Iowa State in 4+ years.

Here they are:

(1) Campus is relatively small. You don’t need to ride the bus. On campus tours, they say you can walk from one side of campus to the other in 10 minutes; it’s true. It actually takes longer to ride the bus. That means just take the sidewalk from Maple to Kildee, or Kildee to State Gym. Stop being lazy. I promise: you will be OK! Use the Orange route or Red 1A to get to places like the commuter lot or West Ames.

(2) While we’re walking, the general principle that applies to driving also applies to walking on the sidewalk. Walk on the right side of the sidewalk. Don’t walk three or four wide. I gave up stepping off the sidewalk so you can walk together. It’s a matter of common courtesy.

(3) You’re not the most important person in the world. When I walk into the Memorial Union, people are bumbling around like blithering idiots who think that they are the only people in the world. You’re not. Be aware of people around you.

(4) If you think you’re walking fast enough, walk a little faster. The rest of us legitimately have places to get.

(5) Keep it fresh.

Sincerely,

A cranky senior.