Greetings loyal readers! 

I have been tasked with helping you get through your upcoming school year. Apparently, not everyone is able to balance their time enough to keep up with school work, their job work, and still watch every single movie that comes out in the local theaters. 

Have no fear. I have meticulously researched the films over the next year, to give you vague previews of what you can look forward to during your school year.

Finding Your Groove

We are going to ignore August. Your first two weeks of school are for finding out which of your classes you need to drop.

For September, there are a few big releases you need to keep your eyes on. There is a third movie involving Riddick coming out, simply named “Riddick.” If you are new to the changing genre franchise, Riddick is basically Vin Diesel living out his Dungeons & Dragons character fantasies, with a budget that can afford more than simple pen and paper. 

In September we can also see “Rush” (which looks like a serious “Talladega Nights“), “Battle of the Year” (which looks like an even less serious “Dance Flick“), “Don Jon” (Joseph Gordon-Levitt and his addiction to pornography), and “Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2” (which has apparently quadrupled the safe level of puns allowed in a normal film). I’d be willing to bet all of these movies are worth your money, yes, even “Battle of The Year.” But that is mostly so you can make fun of it with your friends. 

Horrifying Midterms

After September, the midterms are going to start rolling in. What comes with fall midterms? Halloween! The biggest horror title is bound to be the “Carrie” remake, staring Chloe Grace Moretz. Speaking of remakes, we are also getting an “Oldboy” remake from Spike Lee, and “Paranormal Activity 5,” which might as well be another remake (but this time, more pop/disney stars!).

Personally, I am most excited for “Gravity,” a sci-fi thriller with George Clooney and Sandra Bullock. Two people I could watch float around hopelessly in space, any day. 

By November, you might be sick of classes. There are literally enough big movies coming out to warrant at least weekly trips to the theater. There is a big movie coming out every Friday: “Ender’s Game,” “Thor: The Dark World,” “The Wolf of Wall Street,” “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire,” and “Frozen.” In other words, we have a critically acclaimed novel, a blockbuster Marvel movie sequel, a Leonardo DiCaprio/Martin Scorsese team up film, more Jennifer Lawrence shooting a bow and arrow, and a new original Pixar flick. In case you are wondering, yes, you definitely need to watch all of these. 

Hazy Winters

Eventually in December your time will open up post finals. But for whatever reason, people tend to buy gifts for other people in that month, so all of the big blockbusters over the summer will finally be out for DVD/Blu-Ray. So if you want to gift people movies, they’ll all be available, including “Iron Man 3,” “Star Trek Into Darkness,” “Fast & Furious 6,” “Pacific Rim,” and “My Little Pony: Equestria Girls.” More specifically, that last one will be available in August if you need your Brony fix that much sooner.

Winter is still many months away. Just like you probably don’t know any of your Spring semester classes, the details on what films are releasing and when are hazy. Only a few titles are listed for each month as of now.

The biggest films coming out in December have to be “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug” and “Anchorman: The Legend Continues.” They both have a lot of hype associated with them, they are both sequels, and they both have colons in their title. 

January is often known as a month where movies go to die. The Oscar bait films all come out at the end of December, so the leftovers are… left over for us to devour with the rest of the scraps. Case in point, I am most excited about “Ride Along,” an Ice Cube / Kevin Hart action comedy. No, it is not a buddy cop film because only one of them get to actually be a cop! 

However, February has some exciting titles to look forward to. First off, we are getting a “RoboCop” reboot. Maybe not the first film franchise you would think of that needs a reboot, but Detroit is even worse than it was in the 1980s, and Samuel L Jackson is involved. A film reboot might be what finally gets the RoboCop statue built in Detroit.

Even better is that we are also finally getting “The Lego Movie.” Like you, when I first heard the title I assumed it would be a piece of crap. But then I saw the trailer, and it blew my mind. Stop motion, some CGI, and humor raised all the way to eleven. It might even be the closest thing we get to a Justice League movie.

Spring Awakenings

At this point in the year, we can’t help but remain incredibly vague. There is so much uncertainty at this point, everything expected to be released could be pushed back even further. Regardless, here are some names to keep your eye on.

There is “Divergent” coming out in March, which has had its share of media attention already. Some are already claiming that this will be the next “Hunger Games,” although at this point, that means only one successful movie with a good potential for future profit. They probably mean the next “Twilight” and we should all compare the two endlessly. 

To wrap up this blueprint of Spring, we have two very manly movies. The first is “300: Rise of an Empire,” a prequel to “300.” This movie will probably be even further from historical accuracy than the first, but who cares? As long as we still get an army of shirtless men literally destroying everyone, I will be fine with it.

Finally, April ends out year long journey with “Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier.” Marvel movies mean major money. If you don’t see this sequel, one of two things are likely: you don’t like fun, or you aren’t patriotic enough. I suggest you fix both potential issues by April.

A Year In Preview

I realize how odd it may seem to talk about the future of movies over the next school year, but consider this a helpful public service announcement. “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.“

Now now, don’t give me that face. Watching movies can be a perfect use of your time, it allows you to take a break from reality. Be sure to check out www.iowastatedaily.net for reviews of literally everything that hits Ames theaters throughout the year. On top of that, there will be preview articles every month to help plan out your time. Regardless of what critics say, if a movie looks interesting to you, I suggest you go and see it. Just don’t text in the theater.