In our day-to-day lives, we all say things we do not mean. We throw around words like “amazing,” “literally,” and “starving,” without referring to their true definitions. Most of the time these generalizations are irrelevant and go by unnoticed, but in some cases it does matter. One of the biggest examples of this is using the word “gay.”

Terms such as “gay,” “homo” and “fag” are used every day by people who are not referring to homosexuals. Instead, these words have become synonymous with words like stupid, weird or unmanly.

Those of us who have at one time or another said these words without thinking about their meaning or why we say them, need to reconsider our word choices.

C.J. Pascoe, a sociologist at Colorado College, identifies these terms as homophobic slurs. This does not mean that any use of the words is in fear or disapproval of homosexuals, but that the words are offensive to the group they refer to in these contexts — and with good reason.

Homosexuals have long been stigmatized in our society and are still discriminated against today. Marriage inequality and homosexuals being forbidden to donate blood are but a few examples of this.

The homophobic slurs themselves are usually not meant to be disrespectful towards homosexuals, but instead serve a different purpose. According to Pascoe, homophobic slurs are a way for boys, and later men, to police masculinity.

Any behavior or action deemed unmanly in any way is liable to be called “gay,” or the perpetrator is liable to be called a “fag.” A common example of policed behavior regards a male’s outward appearance. Any man who seems to be putting too much time or effort into looking good may be seen as less masculine, possibly resulting in being called “gay.”

This mythic connection between heterosexuality and masculinity is a product of the way our society generalizes what a man is. The “ideal” man in our society is a number of things: assertive, physically capable, void of emotional displays, and heterosexual, to name a few.

Any group of men who do not fit neatly into this idealized form is seen as unmasculine, and is punished with a lower status. Homosexual men are a group that, very obviously, does not fit the norm of masculinity.

This does not mean a homosexual man or a member of any other group that does not fit our society’s idealized masculinity is inherently less of a man, but only that society tends to view them this way. This is a view born of laziness and ignorant generalizations, but is powerful nonetheless.

Since social norms and attitudes shape how we view masculinity, it would be both impossible and irrelevant to suggest homosexuals and other groups somehow deserve to be included in our ideas about masculinity. What is neither impossible or irrelevant is a removal of homophobic slurs from our vocabulary.

There is a relatively simple way for our society to move past the use of homophobic slurs. First, people would need to stop and think about how their words may be hurting others, and if that is really their intention.

According to Pascoe’s research, it is not the intention of many to offend homosexuals. Continuing, he explains homophobic slurs are now so commonplace because we use these convenient words, rather than expanding our vocabulary or taking an extra second to think of the right word.

That is all well and good, but it only affects a person’s own actions. It does not affect the actions of others, not to mention society. To do that, a certain amount of bravery is required.

In order to change the way other people act, a thought-conscious individual must somehow display their disapproval. In this context it is as simple and as daunting as telling people the use of words such as “gay” and “fag” are not acceptable.

Telling your friends and associates what they should and should not say can be scary, but it is the only way our society can change for the better. It is simply not right to offend an innocent group of people because we can’t be so inconvenienced to think of an appropriate word.

——————————————————————————————-

Phil Brown is a senior in political science, biology, and environmental studies from Emmetsburg, Iowa.