I recently had coffee with two adults I am lucky enough to call mentors. One of them described how she struggled with finding her own path separate from the world her family had prescribed for her. Her story resonated with me, and I knew my experiences could not be singular but were often something felt by people my age.

The struggle for identity and autonomy rightly coincides with our collegiate years, the time in life when we have more space to make our own decisions. Liberal education, long supported by liberals and conservatives since it was promoted through the Morrill Land-Grant Act, is supposed to cultivate students’ general knowledge and cognitive skills like reason and judgment. Our parents want us to be free and able to make wise evaluations, yet when we actually become free through abilities acquired at college, clashing with our parents in one way or another is nearly inevitable.

I well remember the feeling of first going home after learning something big my junior year of college. It was the first time I felt like I had been given insight into something my parents, with their specialized set of skills that almost every adult has, did not know.

I had studied Griswold v. Connecticut and Roe v. Wade in my politics class, and I understood the value of protection of privacy that resonated throughout the cases.

My mother and I were hanging out in our living room, and something on TV reminded me of the Mississippi Personhood Amendment that failed to pass. True to the typical self-promotion of a college student visiting home during Thanksgiving break, I instantly delved into a detailed explanation of the implications of such personhood amendments, which naturally required me to discuss the consequences of reversing Roe v. Wade.

How sophomoric of me. Perhaps a less abrasively launched explanation would have gone over better with my conservative mother. Or even just gone over… My words didn’t really go anywhere.

My mishap is classic of many college students. We venture out of prescribed worlds our parents have so neatly laid out for us before we go to college. We receive our liberal educations and then we come back home, fresh-faced and bursting with knowledge, ready to impart our new wisdom when we can…

Yeah, and then when we think we’ve arrived at the end of our path of knowledge, emphatically unaware we are still incomplete and always will be, we open our mouths and prove our parents correct: “Oh, Monica. She thinks she understands Roe v. Wade, but she doesn’t know everything about the world. She could be doing more with her life.”

My mom didn’t say that. My hindsight did.

Another year brings a clearer perception, and now I have to ask: Isn’t one of the goals we have when we go to college to become a fuller version of who we were before? I pose that question to make us reflect; from what I’ve observed, when we come in contact with our family, it seems we all too often forget that’s the purpose of a liberal education.

The fact of the matter is interactions between parents and children are going to change during college. It’s okay to challenge each other’s views. If students find their views perfectly match up with those of their parents (either as they always have for the first time ever) after they’ve expanded their knowledge and evaluation skills, great. Fantastic. You and your parents could be onto something after coming to the same conclusion in your own ways. Also, you’re really going to get on at family reunions. You’ve honestly got it made.

If, however, you find your political, spiritual, economic, racial, sexual and/or social views differing from your parents, be bold and own it. The great irony is our parents want us to become successful, independent individuals who make our own decisions, and when we do that, we risk becoming a frustration because we are free to differ from others in our beliefs.

The decision to act boldly is not always easiest, but it is infinitely more worthwhile. While you’re finding a way to stay planted throughout it, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Perhaps conversing with a couple mentors over a bold roast coffee will provide you with valuable insight.