This last week on Facebook was summed up by one image that was making its way around the net. It was a picture of Xzibit with the caption “Yo dawg, I heard you like Facebook, so we put a Facebook in the upper right of yo Facebook so you can Facebook while you Facebook.” (If you aren’t familiar with that meme, Google “yo dawg” in Google Images and you’ll be quickly brought up to speed.) It brought perspective to what apparently was a stressful day for the Internet. Facebook changed, again.

I’ve used Facebook since Feb. 24, 2007 (you can download all of your old statuses, in case you didn’t know), and I feel as if I can comfortably come out and say I’m a Facebook whore. Although I’ve never played any of the Facebook games and only have 300 friends, I could present a lineup of witnesses attesting to my addiction. That being said, I’ve stuck with Facebook through thick and thin. Through all of the privacy issues, redesigns (that I’ve never actually minded), the launch of Facebook apps and games, and even through the emergence of Twitter and Google+, I’ve stayed true to the blue-and-white-themed social network.

The recent addition the mini-feed and the proposed conversion of profiles to “time lines” have caused quite an uproar. Of course these changes are completely unprovoked, confusing and for the most part unwanted. I think however, that if I can explain Facebook in such a way that we’ll all understand, you’ll be able to cope with these changes, and even decide if Facebook is still the social network for you. Now, ladies, take no offense to the following analogy as you might agree yourselves the following is the truth.

Facebook is like the significant other you never knew you had. Way back in high school, she was that cute girl that was more fun, more attractive and even smarter than your last love affair (MySpace). You check her out, but as rumor has it, she only dates college guys. So you wait it out a bit, and eventually she changes her mind, a bit of flirting and you’re in!

The first date is a bit awkward, a bit confusing and she even pokes you a few times. You’re not quite sure what to think, but stick with it anyway. You keep dating, meet each others’ friends, start to bump into each other more and more. Eventually you find yourself hanging out with her all the time, until one day she tells you she’s going to cut her hair. OK, fine, that’s not a problem, and it proves to be a good idea. But then a few months later she gets another haircut, this time not as pretty.

She starts telling all your friends about all you, including all your secrets. Once you get her to stop, she does it again, this time to people you don’t know. She then decides that what you need in your relationship is more entertainment, how about some browser-based games? How about we join some groups? Why not tell each other where we are at all times with the GPS in our phones? And it doesn’t stop there. She knows all your buttons, but pushes them at the wrong time. Single? Meet singles in your area. Dating, buy some engagement rings! Unemployed, get a job!

Not to mention she’s always trying to sell me her “Star Trek” DVDs. This girl is officially all up in your business. And to top it all off, after you’ve come back from summer vacation, you find that she’s gained 20 pounds, got herself some nasty piercings, and has decided that she only wants you to talk to your “favorite friends” and to shun the rest by forcing you to scroll down to see them.

Last week, she told you that she wants to start scrapbooking with you, a time line of your time together. And I think it’s at this point you realize you’re dating a crazy, and that you need to get out. A clean break, go cold turkey. You want to, but can you?