Editor’s note: This is part 10 in a weekly series called “The Talk,” which explores topics related to sex and culture. Sensitive content may follow. 

Sex and intimacy, two sacred acts that often compliment each other, but should not be used as interchangeable terms.

Human Development and Family Studies lecturer, Amanda Hillman, said she is not an expert on sex and intimacy, but commented on the the difference between the two.

“There is a difference,” Hillman said. “However, most scholars agree there is certainly a link between the two. The differences can be boiled down to the way we define both of these terms.”

As Hillman said, sex and intimacy certainly can be associated with each other, but the definitions of the two terms are simply different. Sex is described by the Cambridge Dictionary online as, “the activity of sexual intercourse,” while intimacy is described by the same website as, “the state of having a close, personal relationship or romantic relationship with someone.”

That being stated, how does one decipher the difference between the two? When one has sex, are they being intimate? And when being intimate, does it have to be in a sexual setting?

“Many people feel that intimacy is essential or inherit […] in order to be able to engage in any form of sexual intercourse,” Hillman said. “What is essential to keep in mind is that is a personal and highly subjective distinction.”

An individual can be intimate with someone without having sex, and can have sex without intimacy, said Alex Jaquis, an elementary education major.

“However, they usually go hand in hand because they both require intense levels of trust,” Jaquis said.

A common reason people feel sex and intimacy are synonymous is because they do not know the various ways one can be intimate that aren’t in a sexual setting.

“At the core, I think there are lots of ways that intimacy may look similar between friends and lovers,” Hillman said. “The idea of revealing ourselves to those we have intimate […] relationship with and being raw and vulnerable with our emotions can easily be applied to many friendships. I would argue that, for many, one of the key distinctions between friends and lovers is often only sexual intercourse.”

Kailyn Huisman, sophomore in criminal justice studies, agrees that you can be intimate with someone who is not a lover.

“I would say intimacy is being close with someone enough to share most of yourself with,” Huisman said. “Being intimate with someone does not necessarily mean you have to have feelings with them […] being close and sharing things with friends could be considered being intimate. I think people most commonly think of sex, romance or love when they think of the word intimacy.”

You can be intimate with a lover in a sexual sense, but also be intimate with a friend, with no sexual involvement.

Jaquis explains ways he is intimate without being sexual.

“I experience intimacy with my friends when I tell them how I’m feeling deep down, when we experience something new together and when we’re fully open with each other,” Jaquis said.

Sex and intimacy can go hand in hand, but they do not always have to.

Hillman best explains this when she says intimacy can be revealing of our “onion layers.”

“That means engaging in shared pleasure through sexual encounters from some people and some relationships, and raw and vulnerable with our emotions for others,” Hillman said.