As yet another academic year starts up, so does another round of house parties, frat events and F.A.C. drink specials on nights dripping with the sweet smell of college-aged sexuality. Weekend after weekend, the “typical” script for hookup culture acceptable sexual behavior is something along the lines of the following:

1. Male pursues female until she says no.

2. If a no is not heard, they have sex.

3. The female lies in missionary position while the male penetrates her repeatedly.

4. Pleasure isn’t necessarily experienced by either party. (As a helpful side note: Despite what you think has occurred, not a single woman I know can experience orgasm without some sort of direct clitoral stimulation.)

5. The male is “the man” for “getting the girl.”

6. The female is “the slut” for participating at all.

The above situation has overlooked something pretty damn disturbing: female sexual autonomy. The typically practiced sexual script leaves female sexual desire in a realm of non-existence and non-acknowledgment, sexual assault within our rape-permitting culture rampant; and the responsibility of all the latter is assumed to lie in the hands of the very same women this system oppresses. For the sake of increased pleasure everywhere (and who could possibly be opposed to that?), a full-blown sexual paradigm shift within the ISU community is imperative.

What if the “normal” sexual script followed something along the lines of this instead?

1. Males pursue individuals he finds attractive, females pursue individuals she finds attractive.

2. If a “yes!” is present from both parties, they have sex.

3. The female is comfortable describing exactly what she wants.

4. The male is comfortable describing exactly what he wants.

5. All participating parties experience pleasure.

6. Pleasure is celebrated, not considered shameful. Both men and women can participate fully in a sexual situation with no attached stigma.

Ideally, the above is what would constitute the typical hookup culture sexual encounter. The exclusive pressure on males to pursue sexual encounters would be lifted. Consent would no longer be the pressuring of a potential partner until you have sex; it would be firmly re-categorized as a “yes!” by both parties and absolutely nothing else; meaning both individuals desire each other, no questions asked. And the best part of this paradigm shift: Pleasurable sexual encounters would be both normalized and expected for men and women.

Yes — this could mean the end of the all-too-common jack-rabbit style sexual encounter! In fact, if the sexual paradigm shift were complete, pleasure-void hookups would be considered extensively more shameful and “freaky” than an encounter where consent is requested to [insert sexual fantasy here]. Pleasure experienced by consenting humans would be normalized and celebrated, regardless of how it’s achieved.

Small changes in behavior can get us closer to the desired effects of this sexual paradigm shift. If men and women at Iowa State were to act with the expectation that all individuals have varying sexual desires, a shift would naturally follow.

Men: When pursuing a sexual partner, seek out a “yes” as opposed to the “let’s see how far I can get without hearing a ‘no’ mentality.” When a potential partner pursues you, be straightforward about what you consent to and what you do not. Also, make sure you are clear about what your partner has consented to. If both partners are aware of exactly what the other desires, your experiences will be all the more pleasurable. Also, actively dismantle the “slut” mentality to partners and peers; a sexually autonomous woman is not “dirty” or “lacking respect.” Female sexuality should be celebrated, not shamed.

Women: First off, pursue a partner if you want to. When pursuing a sexual partner, you too should seek out a “yes” as opposed to “just trying until you hear a no.” Be honest with your partner about what you want and don’t want — there’s no justifiable purpose in going through the motions of the stereotypical hookup when no one’s actually enjoying themselves. Also, stop supporting the very same “slut” name-calling that stifles your own and other females’ pleasure and autonomy. As mentioned previously, pleasure should be celebrated; shaming your peers for experiencing pleasure does no one any good.

I am confident that small changes in what is currently considered our normalized sexual encounter script could help create a new normal at Iowa State; a normal in which consent is key, desires are actually fulfilled and people are not pressured and expected to perform in a specified way. Perhaps most importantly, a shift such as that described would create a social environment in which human pleasure is supported, increased and celebrated, regardless of how and by whom it is achieved.