The Rapture came and went on May 21, with exactly zero souls sucked up into the cosmos. This number is about 200 million shy of the amount that broadcaster Harold Camping and his followers projected.

Was the snake oil salesman actually mistaken in his prediction, as he had been in 1994?

Camping didn’t think so. He said May 21 was actually just a “spiritual” day of judgement, and that the faithful deemed worthy by God would still be granted access to Heaven on Oct. 21 of this year. On this date, Camping asserts, his original prediction of the earth’s total destruction will prove true.

For now, it appears that everyone is just in a state of limbo.

Wait — isn’t this all a little like the plot for “Lost?”

The Losties’ day of judgment came, and after that, they had to live out the rest of their “lives” in a funky-island world that spun throughout time and space.

The folks here on planet Earth are now waiting with bated breath for the five months to run down and allow the faithful — to continue the “Lost” analogy, those who believed in Jacob — to get the free pass into the Everafter.

And as to the weird and confusing events that occurred on the Losties’ island, well, look at the world today. We have a rash of storms and natural disasters wracking everywhere man is to be found; you can compare these to the weird rain of the island. We have people in places we would never have thought could succeed, rising up to defeat the near-tyrannical masters controlling their lives; in “Lost” we had the battles of the Losties against two similar antagonists — the Others and the Dharma Initiative.

The real cherry on top is the millenial equation Camping contrived by cobbling together bits from The Bible. The counterparts in “Lost” are the mysterious numbers confounding everyone’s existence: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42.

Jesus was crucified April 1, 33 A.D., according to Camping’s discoveries. April is the fourth month, so 4 is good.

Noah, “the eighth person,” stepped from the ark after the floods to commence a new order of things. Camping uses the floods as a basis for his understanding of apocalypse time, so 8 checks out.

Genesis 7:20 says concerning the floods, “Fifteen cubits upward did the waters prevail; and the mountains were covered.” So now 15 is good.

There are 16 titles for Jehovah in The Bible. In I Corinthians 13:4-8 there are 16 attributes of love. Love and God are certainly a relevant factor in Judgement Day, so 16 checks out.

Oct. 21 is the 23rd day of the seventh month of the Biblical calendar; 23 is checked off the list.

Revelation 13:5 says, “And the beast was given a mouth uttering haughty and blasphemous words, and it was allowed to exercise authority for 42 months.” Not to mention 42 is the most awesome number ever and the answer to everything (according to “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”), so 42 is a go.

And there you have it, folks. I have just uncovered a prophecy of the End of Days in the script of “Lost.” Clearly, I must be correct and legions of lost souls must believe my words. After all, I used a system of numerology just as arbitrary as Camping’s.

Remember this, folks: you can use any interpretation of anything as an excuse for something if you just assign numbers from anywhere, particularly if those numbers come from a book as outdated and self-contradictory as The Bible. So beware of those who attempt to use religion as anything other than a means of coping. Life is tough enough without some jackass trying to put “the fear” into people.

Now send me donations and let me lead you down the primrose path to enlightenment. Cheers.