Van Wilder said, while standing pantless next to the freshman: “But you know what I’ve learned in my seven years here at Coolidge … Timmy? I’ve learned that you can’t treat every situation as a life-and-death matter because you’ll die a lot of times. Write that down.”

Much like the illustrious Van Wilder, my seven years of college have culminated at Iowa State with stories and experiences I cannot begin to write about here due to obscenity and general debauchery.

OK, fine, I am only graduating because I ran out of money from FAFSA and other sources. Funny thing, you can max out all of that loan money potential; it takes about seven years, but I did it.

When I began college, I went to the University of Iowa. I went there simply because a few friends of mine were there and all I wanted to do was party.

After only a semester — where I spent five days a week partying — I found that skipping classes in order to have fun was fulfilling, but not good academically. I finished with an F, two Cs and a D. Pretty good in my mind considering there was only one class I attended at least once a week, and the others I only showed up for exams or if I happened to still be awake after partying all night and the class was near the location I found myself at.

I thought I was a failure, doomed to mediocrity, and realized I was not ready for the college life. Well, I also realized that some academic advisers have few skills at assisting freshmen with class choices, and assume any class will do, but I digress.

I returned to my hometown of Ottumwa to attend Indian Hills Community College. There I continued to party regularly, joined a punk band and received an A in all but three courses I took there in a year and a half to earn my Associate of Arts degree. With my GPA fixed and a better sense of how to handle college, I returned to the University of Iowa.

Now I found myself over-prepared and lacking direction. I knew how to balance being a barfly with going to classes and selecting classes that weren’t awful or taught by professors that have little regard for a sense of humor or their students.

After taking every art course possible at the community college, I decided at Iowa to focus on theater and film. I had been acting for years and I was, and still am, a film fanatic.

One semester later I decided theater was not my bag and I went over to English and film. Certainly a better match. But no, I was having more fun at bars than taking these prerequisite classes that by all means should be skipable.

In that year at Iowa, I learned more about life and people and how to succeed while partying at bars and house parties than I learned in any class. I was set on leaving college in the dust to try my hand at the real world. I set off to work on indie films with some friends and found myself totally involved in the early “biz” world.

I even went on a romp around the country a year later for a few months, bouncing from New York to Florida to Texas to Los Angeles to Indianapolis and back to Iowa, all the while working on film and auditioning and pitching script ideas — partying a whole hell of a lot too.

The education I gained in a few months was better than anything I had learned in college. I couldn’t figure out why anyone would want to waste time in college when they could just experience the world without restraint.

Then it struck me all at once one day after what I will refer to as a “real trip.” I found myself walking home as the sun was rising and I realized I wasn’t really happy with my frivolous lifestyle. Yes, I had been on more adventures than I can begin to relate, but I felt as if my life lacked forward progression. Much in the same way I had become tired of being a musician years before in a punk band, I wanted more.

Then a friend asked me, out of the blue, why I didn’t just try going to college at Iowa State. As my entire life had been spent up to that point following whatever direction fate pointed me in, I applied and left for Ames with no real plan in mind other than trying my hand at college again.

For the first time I met an adviser that was helpful. I decided to grab a communication studies degree, because I had no idea of what I wanted and communications is a relatively easy degree to get for anyone willing to do the assignments.

I continued to party and meet people and travel to work on films, but I found myself attending classes and becoming interested in arguing with professors thanks to meeting some that were interested in actually teaching students.

After two years, I was able to graduate, but I was not remotely done with my college career, as I had discovered what my friends had known all along: I was a political fiend.

I was convinced to take a political science class during what I though was my final semester, and it hooked me. Finally there was something I could argue with and when people offered terrible or unfounded answers, the professors would allow me to challenge it, and everything else I saw.

I love to argue. It is a sport to me the same as baseball. I don’t care what side I am on, I just like to make people go beyond obvious statements and validate their responses.

I signed up for the second major of pol sci and never looked back. I was spending less time at bars — even though I was working at one — and attending classes, for the most part, with excitement about learning.

At the same time, I was learning from the remarkable staff Iowa State has in its political science department. I found myself, finally, with a direction and somewhat of a purpose.

Now, I am graduating. I never found an interest in VEISHEA — apart from the drinking — or in the various campus activities or clubs, but I was able to find myself at Iowa State.

I still party, and I still travel and work on films and go on crazy adventures that hardly sound true, but in all of that, I am thankful for the opportunities Iowa State provided for me to learn and find direction.

I will still tell anyone that asks that they need to take time away from college to discover the amazing and terrible things the world has to offer. I will still advise being wild and crazy and making ton of mistakes along the way. And, as I have been accepted as a graduate student at Iowa State, I will advise spending as much time as you can enjoying the freedoms of the college lifestyle, and letting Iowa State be a home base for your studies and travels.

Cheers.