For many people, speaking in front of a large group of people can be very intimidating. So, giving a toast as the best man at your friend’s wedding can be extra nerve-racking. Fortunately, there are things best men can do to ease some of the anxiety and deliver a quality toast.

Cynthia Betts, professional certified master wedding planner in Iowa, said that the best man’s speech should be prepared and rehearsed.

“The toast is a very personal thing,” Betts said.

She suggested the best man’s speech be prepared and rehearsed, but not completely scripted.

“You’re wishing people well. It’s really to get people’s attention.”

Betts owns a customized company and typically plans more than 130 events a year. She said she’s done weddings all over the state with more than half of them take place in eastern Iowa.

“Only a fourth are around the Des Moines area,” she said.

She’s also planned events in surrounding states, including Minnesota, Missouri, Indiana and Illinois.

Throughout her more than 30 years of experience, Betts said she often gives guidelines to help members of the wedding party that are speaking during the reception.

“It’s a toast, not a roast,” she said. “It has to come from the heart.”

Betts expressed that toasts should be between four and seven minutes long.

“The best length has been anywhere from four to five and a half minutes,” she said.

Overall, she said the best ones she’s seen are between four to five and a half minutes.

Betts said these toasts should be “short and very simple.” Best men can start by saying a few things to identify how they know the groom or the couple.

“Let guests know why you know them the way you do,” she said.

Betts said presence plays a role in the speech as well.

“Command your audience with a presence,” she said, adding it is important to “address who you’re speaking to and look them in the eye.”

What not to do or say

It’s really important to plan for the speech, Betts said.

“Write it up and rehearse it,” she said. “Don’t wing it.”

She further suggested men rehearse their speech in front of women.

“Men and women look at things differently,” she said. “What a man thinks is funny a woman might think is raunchy.”

She also provided some insight about what best men shouldn’t say during their speech.

“You really shouldn’t talk about private things,” she said. For example, she said to stay away from inside jokes because some guests might not know them. They can be “confusing and downright embarrassing” Betts said.

For best men that really want to incorporate a joke in their speech, Betts suggested trying something light-hearted. Otherwise, she said it’s really not a time for jokes. She added that this is never a time to discuss race, religion, politics or anything that might be offensive.