In incidents of stalking, the stalker receives all of the negative attention. While the stalker’s actions portray him or her as the offender, the communication between the stalker and the victim is where these situations actually begin.

Unclear communication can send mixed messages and create confusion as to what each person may want, said Keith Robinder, assistant dean of students and director of Student Assistance and Outreach Services; and Kipp Van Dyke, assistant director of Student Assistance and Outreach Services.

“When someone asks you to go out on a Friday night and you say ‘No, I’m busy,’ that isn’t telling them that you’re not interested, that’s telling them that maybe next week you’ll be free,” Robinder said.

By not asserting a relationship’s end, one may lead the stalker on, instead of making it clear that the person is not interested, Robinder said.

“If you try to be the nice guy by not directly saying you’re not interested, that makes for a funky mixed message and can be confusing,” Robinder said.

Using certain terminologies can create uncertainties between people that can lead to stalking situations, said Penny Rice, director of the Margaret Sloss Women’s Center. People can interpret certain terms differently. Saying “maybe” can come across as “not yet.” “Hmm … ” might mean, “Give me time.” “Not sure” might send signals off to the stalker to keep trying.  

“It isn’t what the victim did that is wrong, it’s how it gets interpreted by the stalker,” Rice said. 

In some cases, the four sentences might be your solution, but if not, further action might need to be taken for your own safety.

“The common reasons that students don’t report stalking incidents are the fear of over-reactions, concerns about consequences for the offender, and fear of triggering escalation,” said Ron Jackson, staff psychologist at Student Counseling Services. “It takes emotional energy to cope with being stalked and to take action.”

Jackson views stalking as a form of harassment and psychological abuse, and as an attempt to control or punish the victim. Similar to domestic abuse, the situation can escalate into violence, Jackson said.

The stalker might be portrayed as creepy for his or her continuous contact with the victim, but often times, the victim might unknowingly contribute to the stalker’s behavior.

Direct and clear communication ensures that the stalker’s actions are his or her own, and the communication between the two doesn’t encourage future incidents.