RJ Green, Opinion Editor:

I feel like a narcissistic ass saying I’m usually in better shape than most people, but it’s probably a true statement on both accounts.

I’ve always had hobbies and pastimes that got me somewhere between dead tired and dead sexy. Five years ago, I’d resolved to run a 55-mile ultramarathon, and gave myself fifteen weeks to work up the mileage.

If you ever want to completely despise running, this is definitely the town. There are some wonderful trails and hidden paths around and through campus, but there’s also a lot of poorly-paved roads.

I started Judo and Hapkido here at the university almost five years ago, and depending on how heavily involved I was during a given semester, I’d be putting in somewhere between 15 and 20 hours beating up on my best friends wearing cotton pajamas.

I’ve been a pile since about Thanksgiving break. I have done literally nothing that could be remotely construed as working out, unless your definition of ‘workout’ involves copious amounts of alcohol and bad decision-making. No running, no Rec, no ninja practices, no weights, nothing.

I intend on fixing this with a few simple steps:

Judo or Muay Thai (kickboxing) = 3 to 4 hours per week

Swimming = 2 to 3 hours per week

Weightlifting = 3 to 4 hours per week

Plus whatever horrible cardio I put myself through any given day. Some days I just run wind sprints until I want to puke, or do burpess until I puke. Basically, it’s a good workout when I want to collapse and die.

If I spent any time at home, and had the time to cook food, I’d clean up my diet for a good story. So, if I’ve got the oh-so-sexy bod I’m shooting for in two months, it’s all from eating Chinese food. Yay. 

No calorie counting, no Atkins garbage, no diet-jitsu for this guy. 

I don’t drink pop, I don’t eat refined sugar, I don’t eat much in the way of flour or bread, and I try (fruitlessly) not to eat salt.

Fresh fruits and veggies, rice, whole grains, potatoes, and lots of tasty dead animals. There’s the big secret. 

I’ll probably still keep a food journal, but I figure if I can’t have a six-pack without the rocket science, it’s a stupid ideal to begin with.

So yeah, I’m shooting for the pretty boy/superhero physique. Just because. Should be fun. Don’t throw yourselves at me all at once, ladies.

Baselines

Pushups to failure: 95

Pullups to failure: 15

Mile: 5:50

Bench: 245

Squat: 375

Deadlift: 450

Weight: 210

Waist: 32″

Bicep: 15″

Forearms: 12″

Leg: 24″

Neck: 19″