It’s 9:30 p.m. right now, and I’m sitting in the newsroom like an eager beaver to ensure that you, the public, are entertained with my oh-so-poigniant insights regarding the elections.

Which, I might add, is precisely what you would have gotten if it weren’t for this pesky 10 p.m. deadline.

I’m watching Jason Arment write his column. As I type this, he’s in the zone over there, staring at his computer all militantly, blasting rap as loudly as these terrible Macs will allow. It’s like “8 Mile” and politics over there.

Roxanne Conlin is in the throes of her concession speech. Not that she was going to beat ol’ Chuck, mind you. Her campaign was like watching someone trying to fly to the moon on a pogo stick. In the time it took me to write this sentence, KCCI cut away from her speech to cover Grassley’s. If that doesn’t summarize that race perfectly, nothing does. Except maybe “damn sexy.”

They haven’t said anything about the success of Prop 19 yet. I asked Editor-in-Chief Jessie Opoien if the Daily could sponsor me on a fact-finding trip out there if that passed. I promised her thoroughly researched, high-caliber journalism. I asked her to clarify this position, with three reasons, here’s what I got:

1. “We don’t have the money.”
2. “You’re not a reporter?”
3. “Expose?”

Touche, boss lady.

I did see the Iowa Pharmaceutical Board finally got around to recommending marijuana be reclassified as a Schedule II substance. They’re still insisting the legislature write the actual rules, while the legislature insists the Board already has the authority to do so. Sounds like they’ve already been self-medicating, not that I would know about such things.

The GOP is definitely taking over the House. That’s cool. Now they won’t have to deal with those pesky filibusters in the Senate. I like how people will lambaste the president for not being Johnny-on-the-spot with the “change” he promised during the campaign, so their solution is saddling him with a lame-duck presidency for the next two years.

I guess the elderly came out in droves. People said they were most concerned about the economy this election, so it makes sense that they’ve voted the GOP back in.

I’m not sure who came up with the analogy of letting the drunk drive the tow truck after he’s wrecked the car, but it’s fitting. I like it.

Someone is trying to drown out Jason’s Bone Thugs by playing “Roxanne.” I’d say it’s too bad sex appeal doesn’t win elections — is PILF a pejorative term? — but two years ago, I remember being relieved that Sarah Palin wasn’t a heartbeat away from leading the free world.

I’m not opposed to a woman being president, but that doesn’t mean we have to give the job to a dumb one.

I’ll be honest, folks — I didn’t vote. Truthfully, the only thing I cared about was the retention vote, and at the moment, everyone’s tracking “yes” at a bit more than 50 percent. I’m not sure how I feel about half of the voting populace being idiots, but that’s probably the source of my disenchantment with this whole process in the first place.

Still, I don’t feel bad — tonight wasn’t my night. It seems I wasn’t alone, either: In 2008, 18 percent of the vote was the 18-to-24 crowd. This year, we were less than 10 percent.

I get it. The recession wasn’t “our” problem, and I don’t think any of us have the slightest idea what sort of track the country is on, much less what to do about it. Everybody seems to know exactly what our problem is, yet nobody has offered a solution.

I guess I spoke too soon — two of the three retention races just swayed to “no” votes. Are we still building our house of cards, or is it falling on our heads? Would we feel it if it did? Would we even notice?

Here’s to two more years of political quagmire, finger-pointing and fear-mongering. Here’s to the ever-increasing rift in our politics, and all of the hysterics and labels that comes with it.

Hooray, America.