These days, everything is in 3-D. This summer saw such cinematic masterpieces as “Clash of the Titans,” “Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore” and “The Last Airbender.” And that train shows no signs of slowing down. Next year, such Oscar-worthy titles as “Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World” and “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chip-Wrecked” will all be shown in theaters around this great nation in eye-popping 3-D. 

As reported by the Telegraph, it seems three directors are working simultaneously around the globe to take 3-D film technology to the next level: the world’s first 3-D pornographic film. In Hong Kong, director Christopher Sun is making “Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy,” to be released next year, while Italian filmmaker Tinto Brass is re-filming 1979’s “Caligula,” one of the few movies film critic Roger Ebert has ever walked out of. In the United States, however, Hustler is working to churn out a spoof of James Cameron’s “Avatar” by September. 

That’s just next month. It looks like Hustler will produce the “world’s first” 3-D porn film, as Sun has projected his film to be released next May, and Brass has only begun filming this summer. We all expect the American one will be bigger and better, but quicker?

If that doesn’t arouse your interest, you should know that technically the world’s first 3-D porn film was actually made in 1969 and was titled “The Stewardesses.” It was made on a budget of just $100,000 and quickly became of the most profitable films of all time until its infinitely sexier big sister “Avatar” came onto the scene.

Not only is it uncanny that “Avatar” upset “The Stewardesses'” claim as the most profitable film of all time, but even weirder is the fact that an entirely new technology was required to make “The Stewardesses,” just as it was for Avatar.

I can understand spending millions of dollars to make a new type of film for a sci-fi epic that scrapes the belly of the heavens in magnitude and profundity.

But those crazy guys back in the ’60s, they created it for porn. Without the advancements made on “The Stewardesses” by cinematographer and co-producer Chris Condon, the ’80s would never have brought us such joyful romps as “Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn” or “Jaws 3-D.” Seriously, YouTube that last movie. It’s terrifying.

Mankind has made some of the greatest special effects in the history of cinema and put them to good use, showing people shagging like animals and getting eaten by animals. Wonderful.

And while the Telegraph quotes producer Stephen Shiu in claiming, “This is the future of the movie business — it’s human nature to want to see things in 3-D,” he’s only half right.

People just want to see porn. In 3-D.