I was proselytized recently by a close friend who is also a self-proclaiming tea party member. Those of you who have experienced a similar situation will be able to understand my disappointment — seeing a friend come out of the closet in Colonist costume is never an easy situation.

The emotion that is elicited by seeing my friend in tricorne and stockings is eerily similar to that which I feel when I hear people speak of their newfound love for Nickelback. They are analogous in no less than three ways.

First, when someone tells me how much they love Nickelback, I can safely assume that they jumped on the bandwagon years too late. In the same way, the tea party movement is merely a chic, mass-media version of the Libertarian philosophy. Sure, they throw on some militant extremism and garden variety philosophical inconsistencies and self-service, but the motivating principles are primarily the same.

Second, both the band and the movement in question destroy beautiful things. Nickelback, if it does not ultimately kill no-nonsense rock and roll, has at least set the genre back years in terms of credibility and content.

Identically, the tea party could kill the validity of the Libertarian philosophy in the mind of the average political thinker. If Libertarianism manages to survive, it will still take years overcome the negative press brought on by the aforementioned extremism and inconsistencies committed by tea partiers.

Third, Nickelback and the tea party movement command audiences that are often ignorant of the full breadth of work which they are supporting.

The majority of fans of the band come from one demographic: teenage female. While it is true that there will be the occasional pre-teen male or middle-aged woman, these are the exception, not the rule. It is humorous to me that the predominantly teenage female fans would support a band that offers the following flattering depiction of an evening out — in contrast to the feel-good story in “Photograph”:

“It’s hard to steer when you’re breathing in my ear.

“But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears. By now, no doubt that we were heading south. I guess nobody ever taught her not to speak with a full mouth.”

These lyrics are in the song “Animals” by Nickelback.

Similarly, the tea party movement has an interesting array of political motives that often are difficult to reconcile and fully support. Bill O’Reilly, a supporter of the tea party protests, is also against the construction of the Islamic community center ‘near’ the World Trade Center site.

This view, which is typical of tea party members, is difficult to reconcile with the first plank of the tea party’s “Contract from America.” The first plank states that the job of every lawmaker is to “protect the Constitution.” As the freedom of religion is generally protected in the First Amendment of the Constitution, the inconsistency is apparent.

In essence, one of the entities covered in this commentary is crass, self-serving and overburdened with bandwagon fans — and the other features Chad Kroeger. But, lest this ruin your day, take heart in the fact that at least Nickelback is from Canada.