The first rows of the Great Hall of the Memorial Union were filled with sorority sisters from Kappa Kappa Gamma, who came in support of Emily Fischer, an ISU alum, that lost her life to an eating disorder. Her parents were also there to accept a gracious thank you for their support to Eating Disorder Awareness.

Jenni Schaefer, who has been a guest on Dr. Phil McGraw’s TV show and published two books, spoke at Iowa State two years ago about her disorder and was impressed with the turnout Monday night. She explained that she would not be talking much about her sickness this time, but how she went beyond recovery to get better.

While holding a bright yellow dance costume, Schaefer described the first time she heard her eating disorder talk to her. She was 4 years old, performing in a recital and felt that she did not look like the other girls, that she was not good enough. This voice that she later named Ed in therapy stayed with her for nearly 20 years. When she graduated from college she was accepted to medical school, but was unable to attend because her eating disorder made her too sick. She moved to Nashville instead to sing and try to escape Ed. The move did the exact opposite of what Schaefer thought it would: It took complete control of her life and she didn’t want to live anymore if she had to live with the disorder.

“I decided to tell my boyfriend [about my disorder]; he was the person I trusted the most,” Schaefer said. “I put an eating disorder brochure under my couch and invited him over. I asked him to look under my couch while I hid in my bedroom. He found it and saw me crying and put two and two together.”

She continued to explain that she was so grateful to have his support, love and understanding.

Schaefer spent many years in recovery with dieticians, therapists and support groups. It was in this therapy that she recognized her eating disorder as a separate voice and named it Ed.

“My therapist pulled up an empty chair and told me to imagine that my eating disorder was sitting in it,” Schaefer said. “I was supposed to talk to it and tell it how I felt. At that point, I thought my therapist needed a lot more help than I did.”

This activity ended up helping her immensely; she did this activity with other issues she had as well. “The room was crowded with furniture for all the voices in my head,” she told the audience.

“[Ed and I] don’t talk anymore. I don’t hear that voice anymore,” Schaefer said, but the recovery was not short or easy for her.

She was in a stage she referred to as mediocre recovery for a while. She still restricted herself and was terrified to go out to eat with friends. She compared it to a recovering alcoholic having “just one beer.”

“You can only recover if you do it all the way. You can be completely free. You can,” Schaefer encouraged. “It was miserable at times, but when I felt the lowest, that was often when I was doing the best.”

A big part of Schaefer’s disorder was her perfectionism. She had to learn to have fun for the sake of having fun and to use perfectionism in a good way.

“Perfection does not exist,” Schaefer said. “We cannot achieve it … That’s the problem.”

She learned to set limits on herself and put the trait to good use, such as editing her two books. Another important lesson she learned was that time spent with family and friends is some of the most productive time she could have.

“Negative body image was like prison; I replaced it with positive life experiences,” Schaefer said.

She told a story about one of her first “positive life experiences” after her recovery. She was rock climbing in Alaska and could not wear long or baggy pants, she had to wear tight shorts and a harness.

“As I started climbing the mountain, I stopped worrying about looking fat,” Schaefer said. “I was thinking about falling off the cliff and appreciated the strength of my arms and legs. That felt so freeing and amazing. I got to the top.”