The snowpocalypse is here.

Frozen flakes fall from the sky and freeze everything they touch.

The bitter wind cuts across our barren campus’ landscape.

Drifts of snow make the streets and pathways impassible.

Polar bears and yeti roam wildly, looting and attacking any who dare to tread outside.

Today is “The Day After Tomorrow.” Only Dennis Quaid can save us now.

Okay, so maybe it’s not that bad. But it sure feels like it.

And needless to say, the editorial board is totally bummed out that winter is happening again this year.

But as students at a top-tier science and technology institution, we’re not content to be pushed around by Mother Nature.

We want an answer — a solution that will wipe that snarky smile off of Jack Frost’s face for good.

Global warming is an option, albeit a flawed one.

Sometimes, when we’re walking to class on a particularly cold day, we dream about it — visiting our grandchildren at Iowa State many years from now, napping on the beach near the newly created Sea of LaVerne, working on our tan while our college grandkids work on assignments from their “Fundamentals of Spacecraft Design” class.

But alas, we’re not willing to wait until 2050 or beyond for Ames to become the tropical paradise we’ve always wanted.

We need to think bigger. What about using rockets to remove the tilt from the Earth’s axis?

After all, this tilt is what causes winter.

During summer, this tilt places Ames closer to the sun, and during winter, Ames is tilted away from the sun.

So if we put rockets at each of the poles and fired them against the direction of the tilt, then slowly but surely, like a surly military father yelling, “Straighten up, Earth!” the rockets would move the planet’s axis toward vertical.

Viola. Even heating. No more winter.

No more trudging to class through four-foot drifts if the administration doesn’t recognize a blizzard as an adequate reason to cancel class.

No more contending with crazy drivers who, despite the fact that Iowa is bathed in snow for about one-third of the year, don’t seem to understand how to drive in it.

No more shivering in bed because you were unlucky enough to get stuck with the room of your apartment that’s furthest from the heater.

No more horrid winter. At all.

Some would be disappointed.

Skiers, shovel manufacturers and fans of Bing Crosby and Irving Berlin would all mourn the loss of the chilliest season of the year.

We on the editorial board, though, would welcome the change.

Right about now, we’re thinking most of you probably would, too.

But until the rocket idea pans out, we’re just going to have to deal with the current conditions.

We hope you’re reading this editorial online from the warmth of your apartment because ISU cancelled classes.

If not — if you’re sitting in a lecture, readying yourself to go back out into the frozen tundra — then good luck to you.

Stay safe.

Bundle up.

And watch out for the yeti.