If you’ve been reading many of my columns over the course of the semester — or previous semesters, for that matter — you’ve probably found yourself thinking at some point or another, “You’re so smart, Blake. Is there anything you don’t understand?”

Well, believe it or not, there is. I cannot even begin to comprehend how the female mind works.

Until recently, that is.

You see, I inadvertently stumbled upon the secret men have been trying to discover for centuries: I know what women want.

A couple of weeks ago, at our opinion section meeting, we got off on a tangent as we often do, this time about the new “Twilight” movie that will be coming out Friday at midnight and all the hype accompanying it.

I must confess that in my day-to-day life I don’t cross paths with many clusters of middle-school girls, and I’ve therefore missed most of this hype.

 So when we decided that we would have a “Twilight Extravaganza,” with all of us weighing in our thoughts on the movie, I was somewhat at a loss as to what to write about.

The movie has broken the record for most pre-opening-day ticket sales, so obviously it’s a big deal. The question is, “Why?”

Well, from what I gathered at our meeting, the reason the movies are so popular is that they are considered by many females to be romantic. And what makes them romantic?

The females at the meeting seemed to believe it’s because the vampire, Edward, could drink the blood of his human girlfriend, Bella, but he doesn’t.

That’s good news for me. You see, although humans may lack the efficiency and finesse of vampires, we are still perfectly capable of drinking blood. But … wait for it, ladies… I, Blake Hasenmiller, would still never dream of drinking your blood.

There you have it. As it turns out, I’m a hopeless romantic. A ladies’ man among ladies’ men. The very definition of suave. And all because I’ve finally recognized and embraced my lack of desire for blood.

So there you have it, guys. The next time you’re trying to pick up a beautiful lady, don’t bother trying to play off your good looks, intellect, wit or charm. Just emphasize your overwhelming lack of desire to drink her blood. Then you, too, can be like me. Blake Hasenmiller: ladies’ man.

You can thank me later.

Blake Hasenmiller is a senior in industrial engineering and ecomonics from DeWitt.