After a pleasant Thanksgiving break, the dust had slightly settled and I ventured out from my turkey-induced coma to see “New Moon.” Why wait this long to go? Well, I went to the midnight show of “Twilight” when it came out, and the crowd of tweens, teens and cougars was so annoying I couldn’t even try to enjoy the movie — which I tried watching at a later date and found to be dull and unappealing. So, this time around, I let the crazed fans gather for the first weekend before I dared to try to form an opinion about the newest film inspired by Stephenie Meyer’s books.

Kristen Stewart was mopey and lacking in emotional responses even more than in the first film, as she played the love-torn Bella Swan. She and the Cullens are at a birthday party for her, and through her haze of bad acting, she gets a paper cut and spews forth comedic — although not purposefully so — dialogue reminiscent of R. M. Renfield in Mel Brooks’ “Dracula, Dead and Loving It.” Naturally, the sight of blood causes problems for the newest of the vegan vamps, Jasper, and he goes for Bella’s throat, resulting in Bella being knocked back into a vase and more blood pouring forth. If only he had made it. If only she had hit an artery. If only.

Papa vamp, Carlisle, played by Peter Fascinelli, stitches her up, and I start laughing. The scene itself isn’t really funny; what I can’t get over is seeing the lead jock from the excellent high school teen comedy “Can’t Hardly Wait” trying to be a serious vampire.

From this point on, the movie starts back into its descent toward annoying fad-based history, as it turns the story of how two star-crossed lovers must find each other through all the challenges life may throw against them into a humdrum event. This movie doesn’t have as much acting talent as even Baz Luhrmann’s “Romeo and Juliet”; otherwise, I might not have kept checking the clock on my cell phone to see how much longer “New Moon” would be dragged out.

To further annoy me, the new buff bod of Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black owned the screen far too often. Yes, the guy is in amazing shape. Yes, he makes the girls who didn’t swoon for pale, semi-anorexic-looking Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen pant for his tanned wolfy character. Yes, I understand sex sells — in fact, this may be the only reason I can begin to appreciate these movies. But, honestly, on one of the rare occasions he has a shirt on, he pulls it off just to staunch the blood-flow from a small head-wound Bella receives after trying to “feel alive” and ride a motorcycle.

Now, yes, I am a bit of a hypocrite, as I smile when attractive women take off their tops in other flicks, but they still put things back on. Naked flesh appeal becomes less appealing when it is constant. You give an audience bits and parts to keep them enticed, then a big whammy of sexy later on. “New Moon” not only has Jacob topless for most of the film, but all the wolf-boys run around in only cross-trainers and ripped shorts. Maybe they’re trying to associate their transformations and benevolent vampire-killing purpose to the good deeds performed by The Incredible Hulk back when Lou Ferrigno was the green monster. Maybe, but doubtful.

There are some positives to the film, for which I was completely unprepared. Once Edward — his name makes me chuckle every time: “Edward the Vampire” isn’t sexy or frightening — leaves with his family and Bella has to go to Italy to save him from playing the suicide card, there are some cool characters, like The Volturi. These are a coven of vampires you would find straight out of an Anne Rice novel. For a second I thought maybe things were going to turn out awesome.

The head of the Volturi is played by Michael Sheen. This man knows how to act. His face can do what the faces of the main “Twilight” stars cannot: portray believable emotion. His character, Aro, reminded me of my favorite character from the “Matrix” trilogy, the Merovingian. So, naturally, he is given very little screen time as attention is diverted back to boring Bella and emo-vamp Edward.

Next up we’ve got super-talented child-turned-teen actress Dakota Fanning. She plays a marvelously cold and essentially evil vampire called Jane — what is with some of the dull vampire names? Her character has the super-power to inflict pain — Cruciatus Curse, anyone? — and she devilishly uses it to torture Edward and tries to torture Bella, who is somehow immune. Like the rest of the Volturi bloodsuckers, she gets little screen time. I did my research and found the Volturi re-appear in later stories, along with some other vampire covens, so maybe this saga will become worth it after all — or at least small portions of it.

“New Moon” isn’t an amazing film — it isn’t even very interesting during many parts as it drags along — but it is very popular for many women out there in the world. As much as I would like to naysay it and cast the books in a poor light, I have to acknowledge its appeal.

I am a “Star Wars” fan, and we all know George Lucas played all of those films into a love story too. His characters and actors were annoying, whiny and flat at times, the same as “Twilight.” Most guys I know like the “Star Wars” saga a lot. Maybe the “Twilight” saga is the same thing for women — just replacing cool, action-oriented Jedi with sparkling, hormonal vampires. I guess I’ll have to go ahead and read the rest of the series and watch the movies to see how it turns out, although this venture will be undertaken reluctantly. Maybe, just maybe, it will be worth it.

– Gabriel Stoffa is a senior in political science and communication studies from Ottumwa, Iowa.