Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson)retake the big screens this weekend, and teenage America is about to lose its collective mind again.

“The Twilight Saga: New Moon” kicks off tonight, with three showings around midnight and another two around 3 a.m., which is great for fans, unless one of your professors was planning a before-Thanksgiving-Break deadline for a major course grade.

Really, 3 a.m.?

Regardless, we’re wondering where we lost the vampires of old.

There was a day when the blood-suckers lurked in the dark, hunted their enemies and tore them limb from limb, in graphic detail.

A few of the classics of our time quickly come to mind:

The vampires of the “Underworld” trilogy tore their enemies’ jaws from their fur-covered faces and sank liquid metal-filled rounds to secure their fates. They lived in castles and mansions, with courts, slaves and serfs.

The “Blade” trilogy featured vampire hunters and nutures the ideas of prophecy, secret councils and Dracula.

“Interview with a Vampire Hunter” rekindles the idea of vampires as timeless and bloodthirsty.

Many story tellers have developed the weapons at vampire hunters’ disposal — from ultraviolet bullets to silver whips and swords.

Most importantly, they burned in the sun, to the point of disintegration.

They never agreed on the mythology, history or culture, but generally, they found common themes: blood, death, gore and fear, to name a few.

Lazy afternoons on a grassy knoll, however, have been hard to find, until now.

Trilogy author Stephenie Meyer takes creative license when it comes to most of our cold-blooded killers.

How do you cross Claude Debussey’s “Clair de lune” and vampires? 

Edward Cullen.

How do you cross wavy locks of golden-blonde hair and vampires?

Edward Cullen.

How do you make teenage ladies melt at the thought of dating a vampire?

Edward Cullen.

The Cullens change everything you’ve known about vampires, decorating their walls with classy art and avoiding the daylight for fear of sparkling too much.

It’s one thing to take something old and freshen things up with a new, unique twist, but teenage romance and vampires never should have mixed.

Honestly, the 1995 film “Blood and Donuts” — the story of a vampire who falls in love with a donut shop employee — sounds more appealing. At least we’d leave with an appetite.