Are you afraid of unprotected sex, unintended consequences (See: babies) and other medical consequences associated with copulation? Maybe you’re lonely, or don’t have the time to support a relationship. Well, fear not. The “science” of teledildonics is there for you. For men, check out the Fleshlight. It’s a mouse, sort of … to be manipulated by your third leg. Or maybe the Sinulator is more up your alley. This is where it really gets interesting. It has a transmitter, vibrator and receiver, making it far more than just a toy.

It’s interactive. Apparently, there’s some kind of application available at Sinulator.com that’ll allow you to name your vibrator and then post it on the Web site. Then anyone who knows the name of your toy can give you a “buzz,” so to speak.

Where is all this cyber sex-talk going? Well, despite the icky feelings you may get from reading this, there are a few very important features to products like these. One, no pregnancy or disease will result from having digital sex. However, we suggest making sure your computer virus definitions are up-to-date, just in case. Two, lonely people will have a safe and healthy outlet. And three, more people will be persuaded to switch from dial-up to broadband — wink, wink.