EDITORIAL: Make room for truth in space, name it Colbert

Editorial Board

The people have spoken.

Their call? Colbert.

NASA recently held a competition inviting the American public to help name the newest node to the International Space Station, Node 3. Voting took place on the NASA Web site, with the following options: Earthrise, Legacy, Serenity and Venture. These names fit nicely with Nodes 1 and 2: Unity and Harmony. But as Stephen Colbert said on The Colbert Report, “Those aren’t space modules, those are organic teas!”

However, NASA added a write-in component this time. This made room for suggestions such as Tranquility, Synergy, Vision and even Xenu — the galactic overlord of Scientology. But the best write-in suggestion was far superior to these. And with more than 230,000 votes, it was the clear winner.

Colbert launched an aggressive campaign to make his name a contender. On the March 3 episode of The Colbert Report, he encouraged his audience to visit the NASA Web site and type “Colbert” in the “Select Your Own” box. He told the “heroes” watching the show, “You are officially mobilized to get that module named after me.”

The viewers didn’t let him down. Colbert soundly beat all other options — Serenity came in second with slightly more than 190,000 votes. Serenity? Really? Isn’t that a brand of feminine hygiene products?

Oh. Apparently Serenity is the name of the spaceship from the science fiction TV show Firefly. That kind of makes sense. But it doesn’t matter, because Colbert won this contest. Take that, sci-fi spaceship!

Now comes the real question: Will NASA listen to the voters? The rules of the contest state that “NASA will take into consideration the results of the voting. However, the results are not binding on NASA and NASA reserves the right to ultimately select a name in accordance with the best interests of the agency … Such name may not necessarily be one which is on the list of voted-on candidate names.”

It’s almost as if they saw this coming.

Perhaps they remembered Colbert’s unsuccessful attempts to get on the South Carolina presidential primaries ballot and to get a Hungarian bridge named after him — or maybe they noticed Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle, the mascot for the minor league hockey team Saginaw Spirit; Stephen Colbert’s Americone Dream, a Ben & Jerry’s flavor; or even Aptostichus stephencolberti, a trapdoor spider. You asked for our input, NASA — don’t back out now. Listen to Rep. Chaka Fattah, a member of the House Appropriations Committee that oversees NASA. He said, “The people have spoken, and Stephen Colbert won it fair and square.” Although his position potentially gives him financial influence on the situation, he said, “This is not about dollars, but it’s got to make sense to the American people. We insist on democracy in orbit.”

Democracy in orbit. We like that. So come on, NASA. Let’s make room for a little bit of Truthiness in space.