Many of us enjoy belting out karaoke with friends in true Aretha Franklin fashion, singing, “All I’m askin’ is for a little respect!” It is strange to me, then, that quite a few people have brought to my attention that many college students have still not yet learned true party etiquette. This column is the advice you probably won’t get from your momma.

I’ve collected memories of the past, things I’ve witnessed, things I’ve heard about on CyRide (people don’t realize quite how loud they talk, or even that some of us might bring it up later in a column) or from my friends’ stories. Well, let me tell you, although some of this might not be first hand experience, it is safe to say I know enough.

Parties are the first thing that come to mind when I think of usual college etiquette. Having had a few myself, I would like to mention here that I would love to have my green iPod back, stolen by someone a few weeks ago. No harm, no foul.

First lesson: No stealing, even if there is a chance you’ll never see the host again. No one likes a kleptomaniac.

Second: If you break something, fess up. It isn’t very exciting for the host to wake up the next morning to find that broken cup or bowl hidden in the microwave. FYI — towel bars do not fit in tiny little bathroom trash cans, and in most cases, they can actually be reattached.

Third: Always offer to bring your own food and beverages. Hosts can otherwise shell out quite a bit of money. If they decline your offer, then offer to chip in a few bucks. If they decline again, then at least you tried and don’t come off looking like the party moocher.

Fourth: Bedrooms are off limits. Period.

Fifth lesson: If you’re going to be drinking, make sure you’ve secured a ride home or have made arrangements to crash. Hosts don’t want to feel responsible for your drunken incompetence. Beyond safety, it’s best not to be the drunkest person there. Yes, it is quite amusing to watch you climb the steps on all fours, but you just might hold a reputation afterwards. Stop. Think.

My second topic of advice your momma won’t tell you deals with the three little words even Cosmo doesn’t regularly bring up. No, it’s not saying “I love you”.

It’s the one night stand.

Shows like Seinfeld and Sex and the City have dramatized this situation, but it’s not always as humorous as you might think. Please make sure you’re ready and won’t regret your decision. Even if you’re drunk, you can usually hear that little voice in the back of your head. Friends don’t want to hear for years afterwards that you just weren’t ready and it was a stupid decision. We get it. Get over it. We were there for you, but cowboy up and deal already!

If you still sleep on Dora the Explorer pillows or dinosaur sheets, you are definitely not ready for this little adventure. Can’t pick up your own protection? Not ready. Are you going to be too ashamed to tell your friends? Then it’s probably not a good idea. Can you absolutely not remember this person’s name for the life of you? Please hold off.

Think about the trail. Will you see this person again, and will it be completely awkward? Is this person going to go blabbing about it to everyone you know? Men: It is good for you to know that women talk, although some a little more than others. If you have mutual friends, it’s best to feel confident in your skills beforehand, or you will never be looked at the same at the next party.

Etiquette is the most important thing, both in the one night stand and as friends with benefits. Any guy can get laid, but it takes a man to respect the women in his life, even if it is just for one night. If the other person has feelings for you, but you don’t for them — don’t do it! It will only create problems in the long run and you don’t want to be a soul crusher.

Always use protection. Unfortunately, STDs are on the rise and besides, 50 cents one time is cheaper than owing child support for 18 years. And if one of you is super drunk — don’t take advantage! You will forever hold that reputation, and trust me, everyone will hear about it.

Make sure that your intentions are clear. Whether you’re just friends, a drunken one night hook up, or if you actually want more, it’s best to state this up front. This way, no one can claim fault and the other person has a chance to decline. Talk about whether or not you will be staying the night or leaving. If this is a friends with benefits situation, then consider how each of you will deal with this when you’re out with other friends together. Is this relationship openly known? Will you show affection or completely ignore each other?

Stop. Think. We all like to have fun, but your actions do have repercussions. Don’t write everything off as, “This is college! You’re supposed to be stupid!”

R-E-S-P-E-C-T. You’ve found out what it means to me.

 —  Sarah Tisinger is a sophomore in journalism and mass communication from Bettendorf.