As the day of Valentine’s draws close

The editorial board, we do propose

In honor of a Hallmark holiday,

A little fortune, please come our way

Our days are long, our nights are lonely

All the while, we dream of you only

Just let us get to know you better—

We could take a trip and enjoy warmer weather

A fickle mistress, Lady Luck

Yet by her allure we are awestruck

She’ll screw us over one more time,

As she lets our tuition climb.

And let’s not forget Mr. Money.

His kiss, we know, is sweet as honey

But taxes, charges, fines and fees

Turn the honey to a swarm of bees.

Shall we compare you — never mind.

The economy’s put us in a bind

Wanting what we won’t receive

Please, little paycheck, stay — don’t leave

But you’re moving on, just like the rest

Social Security deduction, we loved you best

A percentage here, a percentage there

These withholdings are too much to bear

Please, sweet fortune, stay a while,

We’ll do our best to make you smile.

You know we’d never put you down

Or hit you, ‘cause we’re not Chris Brown

Bankruptcy, bailouts, Ponzi schemes

Why give us such depressing themes?

If you’d just give us a little chance

This could be a great romance

We have no money for chocolate or roses,

But we know the cause of our woes is

Feeling powerless in our wooing —

We’re sure this crisis wasn’t our own doing

Obama says he has a plan

The terms, we still don’t understand

We guess we’ll let him give it a shot

After all, Obama Girl thinks he’s pretty hot

Oh sweet fortune, listen now

We want to know your touch, and how

We promise we would treat you right

As soon as we finish work, and homework, and paying bills, and — well, at the end of the night

Since Cupid’s arrow has inspired,

Each one of us will now inquire:

As we celebrate Valentine’s,

Prosperity, will you please be mine?