A ring is slipped on a young girl’s finger to symbolize the vow she has just made. She has promised to be faithful and true in her commitment — a commitment she has made to God, to the man she will spend her life with and to her family. This girl, who has made a decision that will dictate the way she lives her life, could be any age — even as young as twelve.

She isn’t getting married, although her commitment seems similar in its significance and its symbolism. Her vow is a commitment to abstain from premarital sex. Her ring is adorned with a phrase like “True Love Waits,” “Purity,” or a symbol that represents purity to her. The ceremony might have simply featured the vows she made, or it might have contained vows from her parents, promising to protect this young girl’s purity.

The pledge? According to True Love Waits, it probably went something like this:

“Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate, and my future children to a lifetime of purity including sexual abstinence from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship.”

True Love Waits is a ministry of LifeWay Christian Resources, a nonprofit organization from Tennessee affiliated with the Southern Baptist denomination. The True Love Waits ministry was formed in 1994, and the group estimates that from 1994 to 2004, approximately 2.5 to 3 million young people have signed their pledge or a similar one.

What exactly does “sexual purity” mean in the context of a purity ring? It’s more complex than abstaining from sexual intercourse until marriage.

According to the people at True Love Waits, “Until you are married, sexual purity means saying no to sexual intercourse, oral sex, and even sexual touching. It means saying no to a physical relationship that causes you to be ‘turned on’ sexually. It means not looking at pornography or pictures that feed sexual thoughts.”

To me, some of this seems a bit extreme. However, it’s not my place to judge anyone for his or her decisions regarding sex. I would be offended if someone did that to me, so why would I commend or condemn anyone for his or her choice in an incredibly personal matter?

Similarly, I’m not going to argue for or against the effectiveness of these rings and vows. To be honest, it doesn’t matter to me whether or not a ring prevents someone from engaging in sexual behavior. Sexually active young adults are not the real societal problem — young adults with unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases are the issue, and those problems can be attacked through promotion of safe sex practices.

But that’s an argument for another time.

What strikes a chord with me, more than the actual logistics or principles of these rings, is the public element they contribute to sex — in theory, of course. Not literally.

If you have one of these rings, it isn’t my intention to offend you or even to convince you that you made a poor decision. It’s not the decision that bothers me. It really is the actual ring.

The choice to remain abstinent until marriage is admirable in many situations, for both moral and practical reasons. However, it simply isn’t the right choice for some people. I don’t pretend to know which path is best for you, or even for my friends. If asked for advice in a specific case, I won’t object to offering my opinion, but that’s all it is — an opinion.

There is no blanket statement that addresses what is right and appropriate for everyone. Be wary of anyone who tries to convince you that it’s that simple.

The choice to remain abstinent or to engage in premarital sex is an incredibly personal decision — one of the most personal choices with which we are faced.

It is a decision to be discussed with your partner, but even then, it is ultimately so personal that only you can make the decision that is right for yourself.

When a person decides to have sex — or to engage in any sexual activity for that matter — you generally don’t see them wearing a piece of jewelry advertising the fact. But they have made a decision — a decision just as valid as the decision to abstain from sex.

There is no ring for the people in committed, loving, relationships that have decided to share themselves in a faithful sexual relationship with their partner. Why? It’s between the two people in the relationship.

It’s personal.

Every sexual decision, whether it results in promiscuity, a faithful, committed relationship, or abstinence, is personal.

I’m not knocking the decision to remain abstinent, just as I am refraining from judgment on the decision to have sex before marriage.

What I take issue with is the advertisement of sexual decisions. If people started wearing rings that said “I Sleep Around,” I would be equally disturbed.

But let me reiterate — it’s not their choice that would disturb me. That choice is just as valid as the choice to abstain, if it’s right for the person making the decision.

I don’t need — nor do I care — to know what decisions you’ve made regarding the subject.

And my decisions? They’re my decisions. I’ll keep them to myself, thanks.

— Jessica Opoien is a freshman in English and pre-journalism and mass communication from Marinette, Wis.