Opoien:

One night in the Daily newsroom, an interesting conversation took place between one Ryan Frederick, opinion editor, and Jessie Opoien — that’s me — assistant opinion editor…

“See…here’s the problem…as you get older…well, girls are kind of like heads of lettuce. All the good ones are taken, and the ones left over are —”

“Yes, Ryan?”

“Well, they ‘wilt.’”

“Maybe the good ones are taken because they found guys who don’t compare them to heads of lettuce.”

Later that night, possibly in an attempt to dig himself out of the hole he’d dug with the lettuce comparison, Ryan also compared dating to a business transaction. At first, I was appalled by his horribly misguided quips on love. I think I might have even responded with something like, “and that’s why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

But then I thought things over, and realized that he — like the rest of us — was doing the best he could to make sense out of that crazy thing we call love.

Frederick:

Love? What’s that? I know, I know: All the poets write about it and there’s a bit of a surplus of movies on the subject, but what is it, really?

As far as I can tell, it’s just a simple issue of supply and demand: Two people together are better off than one alone, and each person is seeking that other person who will complete them. Or something. Something flowery-sounding like that. But it’s really just a supply and demand issue — something you learn about in economics. Either I’m buying, and you’re selling or I’m selling and you’re buying. Seems simple at first, until these crazy things called emotions get involved. They’re like the price controls of romance, constantly messing with the market conditions with subsidies and price floors until the equilibrium — the point where everyone is satisfied — is seemingly impossible to reach.

I’ll admit, that might seem a little cold and analytical, but it’s the best I’ve got. By “best I’ve got,” I mean I can’t seem to get a date, so I blame it on economics. Thank you, Adam Smith and John Maynard Keynes.

Opoien:

As much as I hate to admit it, he’s onto something.

Although my initial reaction — well, after any prostitution jokes that can be made from the mention of buying and selling — was, “What a jerk! Who would try to define something as beautiful as love in economic terms?” — I realized very quickly that I can’t argue with his logic. And as is often the case, one realization led to another.

My next realization was that Ryan tried to make sense of love in terms that are near and dear to him. Business? Economics? Don’t get him started — he could go on about them forever.

If I had to define love? Well, I’m double majoring in English literature and journalism and mass communication — it’s clear that I have a great love of words. When Ryan asked me how I would define love, I did my best to sum it up in the length of a text message:

“Comforting, exciting, playful, serious, sometimes scary, sometimes sad and jealous… Passionate, quiet… And even when it hurts, it’s the greatest thing in the world.”

Those words paint a picture in my mind. They paint a picture of love.

But for a more analytical thinker? They could very well just look like a jumble of descriptions.

Like all abstract concepts, each of us has a different understanding of love. What makes sense to one person might not make sense to another.

And in all its complexity, who isn’t trying to make sense of love?

Frederick:

That seems to be the crux of the matter: sense.

Maybe it’s just that I watched too many Disney movies as a kid and that gave me unrealistic expectations about love. Maybe I’m just naive. Who knows? There seems to be no rule book to this whole mess, no matter how much I attempt to make it fit the well-reasoned world of free market economics.

I open doors. I give rides. I do, and do and do. For all of that, it seems to do no good. What’s it seriously take to get a girl to notice? I’m sorry if I seem bitter, but it’s frustrating, and guys get heartbroken too, you know…

Opoien:

It’s true. Love really doesn’t make sense. The fact of the matter is, you can do everything right and still have terrible luck in love. And then there are those people who just make you wonder, “Seriously? How do they have someone?”

As for the girls who don’t notice the nice things that nice guys do for them? To be honest, I don’t have much of an explanation. Girls run into similar problems, too. There’s nothing quite like that moment when a girl realizes that she’s just “one of the guys” — that her attempt at basing a relationship on a friendship has irrevocably locked her into the buddy category.

But something I’ve learned is that the only way to make love even more discouraging is to make it the only thing on your mind.

I know, it’s easier said than done.

But I have faith that, eventually, good, deserving people will find fulfillment. It comes sooner for some than others, but that’s just part of love’s confusing nature.

Love shouldn’t be about playing games or following rules. If you focus too much on doing everything right, you won’t be able to enjoy the little things that just seem to happen when you find the right person.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is, maybe, by writing this column, we have it all wrong. Maybe the only way to experience love and enjoy it to its full capacity is to stop trying to make sense of it. Maybe we need to stop dwelling on when it will happen and with whom it will be, and just trust. Trust that things have a way of working themselves out, and that things happen for a reason.

— Ryan Frederick is a senior in management from Orient

— Jessica Opoien is a freshman in English and pre-journalism from Marinette, Wis.