Dear Mr. President,

Congratulations! It’s been a long campaign, but you’re finally the Commander in Chief, the leader of the free world, the big kahuna. It’s time to get to work and start pushing for the many changes that you have promised all Americans, whether they voted for you or not. It’s time to clean up D.C.

I bet it’s tough to know where to begin, however. Maybe foreign policy: Iraq? Afghanistan? Iran? They surely need attention, but as you know, things are pretty messy at home right now too. So maybe you should start with health care, education, or Social Security? They all need help, but unless Congress is now bursting with your own party members, passing any legislation here is going to be a lengthy process. My last thought, then, is that maybe you should put together a more comprehensive, long-term economic plan. Though things have stabilized a bit, it still looks like buying little Jack that dirt bike or buying Jill that iPhone for Christmas — with a credit card — isn’t going to be as easy a task as it was in Decembers past. So in the interest of the Jacks and Jills — because let’s remember, spoiling children is something that all American parents should do, right? — I am going to advise you to make the economy priority number one. I would start by reconvening all of the economic geniuses that you can find and…

But wait, I, likely like many Americans, have forgotten one glaring fact: You are not the President of the United States. Sure, you will be, but right now, you’re not. That man is still W., regardless of how much he acts like he no longer is. He has eleven weeks of Pennsylvania Avenue residency ahead of him, and you have eleven long weeks to wait until your Inauguration Day. There are some serious problems with this — mainly that Americans elect a new president because the incumbent’s term limits have been achieved, because they are no longer satisfied with what the incumbent president is doing, or finally because said incumbent president realizes this dissatisfaction and does not run. Somehow, beyond my comprehension, the president that you will replace has achieved his term limits. Yet, I believe very few Americans, regardless of party affiliation, would have voted for Bush if he had been able to run against you this year. I believe the majority of Americans, regardless of partisanship, are very thirsty for a different D.C. and a new resident in the White House.

But again, you, like all American presidents before you, must wait your 77 days. So while you are taking care of logistical issues such as selling a few of your many houses or enrolling your children in Georgetown Prep, depending on your identity, I would urge you to think about the one thing that you will definitely be able to do after January 20, 2009: Redecorate the White House. In reality, this is one of the few things that you will be able to do from day one without facing any congressional obstacles. I have toured there multiple times, and I have to tell you, the place needs a facelift. My one suggestion, if it’s worth anything, is to replace all of the past president-themed rooms and decorative artifacts with some real symbols of America. I am talking about fridges, flat-screens, and flags. When international leaders come to stay over, they should see what we are all about now, not what we were all about in the past. You should be able to offer these guys and gals American hospitality: a beer, a football game, and hell of a lot of red, white, and blue.

Sure, some might charge that this is too undignified, too consumption-oriented, but none could argue that this is really un-American. The past campaign saw a call for recognition of Main Street; what better way to show Main Street props than to proudly show it to the rest of the world? What better way to show that America is going to change for the better of all Americans than displaying what the great majority of us pride ourselves on?

I’m sure you are thinking I am a little nutty, that perhaps I drank a little too much of that holiday eggnog that Hy-Vee is already selling in my celebration of the non-holiday that is Election Day. But give my redecoration plan some serious thought, as you, and we, painstakingly count down the many days — surely full of more problems for Americans that will call for the leadership that W. lacks — that are left until you move in and number 43, thanks be to any and every god, moves out.

Sincerely,

Steve Adams, graduate student in pre-journalism and mass communication from Annapolis, Maryland