Strength takes more than just will-power.

Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays met for its monthly meeting Tuesday to share a coming out experience.

Mike Kromminga, Iowa State alumnus, grew up in an eastern Iowa town of only 500 people. He said his life as a gay man in such a religious and conservative family made his attempt to come out to his family difficult. He said he knew it would be a challenge but thought his family would eventually “come around.”

Even though he said he felt “different” from the other kids growing up, for three-and-a-half years he remained closeted. Kromminga slowly started to accept who he was. After many attempts to “cure” himself of being gay, he said nothing had worked.

“I got to high school and I kissed the first girl and thought ‘I’m cured,’” he said shrugging his shoulders.

But he wasn’t. He said he came out for the first time to his counselor.

“I decided it was either now or never,” he said. “I don’t remember much of the experience because it was so tramatic. I remember blacking out, not fainting, but [it was] very tramatic … [I] cried a lot that day.”

After that initial confession, he kept his sexuality to himself for a couple of months before coming out to his friends. His family was still on the waiting list. Coming out to his guy friends, Kromminga said, lost him his best friend.

“The rest of my friends were pretty supportive. Some of them took a little time to get used to the idea,” he said. “A few of them questioned their own sexuality.”

After coming out to his friends, Kromminga attended his first Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays meeting in the spring of 2007, seeking advice on how to come out to his family.

On May 14, 2007, he came out to his family and said it “was not very pleasant.” After calling to request a family meeting, Kromminga traveled home, planning to tell them about his sexuality. Being a close-knit family, Kromminga knew there would be struggles, but never guessed that it would still remain an obstacle to overcome more than a year later.

“Up until then we had been a close family, so I went home that night and we all sat in the living room together and I just told them I was gay,” he said. “No one said anything for quite a while, it was a very awkward silence.”

Eventually someone argued against his decision.

“So, of course, they asked me why I wanted to be this way, why I changed my mind against liking girls … all that kind of stuff that doesn’t make any sense to me,” he said. “I tried to explain to them I knew I was different from a very young age, not that it’s a bad difference. They just started asking questions, then religion started coming up.”

Religion, he said, was a big part of their family and one of the biggest struggles he had to face in coming out to them.

After coming out, no one in his family talked about his sexuality. Then in May 2008, Kromminga told his family he had a partner, Damion.

“I told them I had met somebody and that I was very happy and I wanted them to meet him [Damion],” he said. “It wasn’t very successful.”

His family told him that difficult times would follow his coming out speech. Kromminga is still welcome in his parents’ house, as long as no one speaks of his sexuality.

“My friends have been great; they have stuck through everything. But my family has a long way to come, if they ever do,” he said.

Kromminga said being gay made him realize how a minority feels and opened his eyes to diversity.

“The biggest change with myself: I’m a lot more accepting than I used to be,” he said. “Growing up in a small conservative town, I didn’t have a lot of diversity around me, so it was hard to be around different people. Now that I have labeled myself as a minority, I recognize struggles in other minorities that I never noticed before. So it has really opened up my eyes.”

Many failed attempts to gain the acceptance of his family have created obstacles, but he said coming out has made him a stronger person overall.

“I’ve done my fighting. I’m done. I’m happy. I have a great job, great co-workers. I have somebody that I love very dearly. My friends are great,” he said. “Right now, I would love my family to be a part of it, but they choose not to be. I’m done fighting.”