I’d like to thank the Staff at the Daily for addressing the run-around the city has been giving people regarding sidewalks around town, especially as a resident of Summit Street. It’s awesome that we can shell out taxpayer dollars to re-name and re-sign a street for an anniversary nobody cares about, but can’t seem to foot the bill for something as pesky as sidewalks. We’re too busy not plowing the streets and handing out parking tickets to do something like that.

It’s absolutely ridiculous how dangerous my neighborhood is for pedestrians, especially considering I’m a block from the only high school in town. For starters, the NHRA needs to start a recruiting campaign at Ames High, and the city should just go ahead and hire a pretty girl with a hankie or shell out for a light tree in place of the stop sign on the North end of my street. I guess the thrill of driving such high-performance vehicles as Mercury Cougars and Honda Civics means being completely unable to resist the urge to drag race through a pedestrian neighborhood. I’m only slightly more saddened by the fact that the state law precludes me from paintballing the bejesus out of these cars, and yes, I’ve looked that up, and I can’t do that. I probably should though, that might actually get a cop on my street, if they’re not too busy changing shifts.

It’s not like we’ve got preschoolers and a blind corner at the end of the street, or a side of the street that’s always lined with cars. I can’t wait to see all the pretty flowers and crosses on the memorial for the first kid that gets plowed down. Nah, dude, we don’t need sidewalks. Push that stroller in the street, lady! Don’t let your kids ride their bikes on the drag strip! The Ames High Cross Country team? They don’t run by my house every day. They don’t need sidewalks, make ‘em run in the middle of the street. Dodging cars builds character.

Nah, let’s just focus on stuff like, you know, writing tickets for couches on porches and how many unrelated people live in houses. Let’s all complain about building a new pool instead! We can’t possibly have enough concrete around to build some sidewalks, where the hell are we going to get that from? Make the property owners install sidewalks! Nothing says “home” quite like giant slabs of concrete in your front yard. They can take out an equity loan! I hear the banks are just giving those away right and left since, you know, they’re doing so well this year.

RJ Green

Alumnus

Ames