Arrrrrgh, mateys!

For many, pirates seem to be a relic o’ the past, appearing only in books, movies or, occasionally, as Muppets. Lately, however, piracy — once a capital o’fense the world over — has seen something o’ a Renaissance.

Piracy o’ the old-fashioned kind has flourished off the Horn o’ Africa for decades, as well as in the Straits o’ Malacca near Sinagpore. The prevalence and effectiveness o’ piracy on today’s high seas was highlighted recently with the boarding o’ the Ukranian ship MV Faina in the Gulf o’ Aden. The Faina is now blockaded in a Somalian port, under watch by ships from three navies.

But this piratical renaissance isn’t just limited to distant waters and distant lands, matey.

Facebook has joined the trend, and now has English (Pirate) as a language option. You can now pillage someone’s plank (write on their wall), hoist portraits (post photos) and update yer doin’s (yer status). Whether or not this will lead to increased rates o’ swashbuckling on college campuses is yet to be seen.

Shiver me timbers, there’s modern, high-tech, computerized piracy! Those scallywags at Walmart arr abandonin’ their old policy on Digital Rights Management (or D.Arrr.M.), which could cause some to turn to the ways o’ the pirate. Any music files purchased between August 2007, when Wal-Mart’s music store launched, and February 2008, when Wal-Mart abandoned D.Arrr.M., can’t be played at all starrrting Thursday. Our advice, mateys, is to keep corporations’ hands o’f yer booty and only buy D.Arrr.M.-free music files.

Piracy has been infiltrating our lives for decades, via professional athletics. Sure, the Pittsburgh Pirates’ swashbuckling skills aren’t that great, but it’s hard to swab the poop deck when you’re marooned several hundred miles from an ocean. Additionally, there must be a run o’ piracy on the Great Lakes these days, as the Milwaukee Brewers, Chicago White Sox and Chicago Cubs all walked the plank early this postseason. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers, on the other hand, have their geography roughly correct, and have swashbuckled their way to a 3-2 so far this season.

This resurgence o’ piracy might lead good, law abiding citizens to the local pub for relief. But the pirates have infiltrated even our favorite haunts, where the nefarious knave Captain Morgan has been known to incite the local populous to untold acts o’ infamy.

So, our dear friends, heed ye this warning, and watch yer backside. Pirates are back!