By Jenon Katt

Daily Correspondent

Everyone was taught the basics about the birds and the bees, but understanding gender differences in communication may alleviate conflict between the two species in any dating relationship.

“If there is a problem, girls want to talk about it and analyze it,” said Kay Mueller, lecturer in English. “Men tend to avoid the conflict.”

Mueller said women’s communication is about establishing rapport with a friend or companion, so women need to discuss their issues to ensure the relationship continues harmoniously.

Women approach communication with questions, Mueller added.

“Because women don’t use as powerful language as men, they are not seen as credible,” she said.

Mueller said that, unlike women, men base their communication on facts and tend to report information. They often want to solve problems and not focus on difficulties or minor issues.

“When men are in a conflict situation, they tend to be an avoider or competitor,” Mueller said. “In situations that men know they have a chance to win, they will compete. But in situations where they feel there is no hope, they will avoid it.”

Alex Erwin, sophomore in pre-business, tries not to overreact in minor situations.

“I kind of try to play it off unless it’s something serious,” Erwin said regarding conflict in his five-year relationship.

Mueller also said men are apt to think women overanalyze issues in dating relationships.

“There are things that happen, both good and bad, that she takes in a different way than I do, and I don’t think of it as that important,” Erwin said.

Communication is what Mueller calls a “depends process” because different situations, people, and moods are taken into consideration. Because of this, communication is never the same, even with the same person, Mueller said.

Jennifer Thiele, senior in art and design, said her boyfriend “is very consistent with his communication behavior.”

She said her communication behavior, however, varies from day to day.

Communication in the early stages of dating relationships is based on self-disclosure, which Mueller describes as the sharing of information about yourself with others.

“Women tend to share more personal information,” Mueller said. “Women are going to want men to disclose information about himself, his goals and his family because that’s what women are interested in, but men aren’t always comfortable with this.”

“He is really open,” Thiele said of her boyfriend, who she has been with for four and a half months. “When I ask him something, he is willing to be open about his feelings for me.”

For communication to be effective in dating relationships, Mueller said both men and women must be willing and able to share the same amount of information.

Men and women seeking a peaceful dating relationship may find help in learning each other’s communication tendencies.

Women should evaluate men’s behaviors and “accept the fact that they are different,” Mueller said. In turn, men should “learn to be more empathetic and encourage the woman to talk while they listen.”

“[My boyfriend] is very, very understanding and knows that I am much more emotional, and he understands the way I think,” Thiele said. She added that “honesty in communication” is a key to their relationship’s success.

For Erwin, “communication, friendship and trust” has fostered a long-term, committed relationship.

“When communicating, we need to be others-oriented,” Mueller said. “This means adapting communication to allow others to understand, and if they don’t understand, we must be willing to explain.”