Without Ed, Jenni Schaefer has a voice of her own.

In honor of Eating Disorders Awareness Week, Schaefer, an author, speaker, singer and songwriter, shared her testimony, highlighting her struggles with Ed – her eating disorder. Co-authoring a book entitled “Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too,” Schaefer’s mission reaches out to address the epidemic of eating disorders that plagues college students around the country. The Sun Room in the Memorial Union needed more chairs to accommodate the 250 in attendance, mostly women, as they journeyed through Schaefer’s life with Ed.

“My eating disorder was not about food – it was about a relationship,” Schaefer said.

Thom Rutledge, her psychotherapist, encouraged Schaefer to separate her disorder from her self image, which led her to name the disorder Ed to define the being that compromised her health and her personal view of her body.

“Ed was the voice that first spoke to me at 4 years old in my ballerina costume and didn’t stop until I was 22,” she said.

Deciding to perceive her eating disorder as a relationship allowed her own voice to learn to speak again.

“Ed told me to not eat, that I was too fat, that I was worthless,” she said.

Eating disorders, Schaefer explained, affect an individual’s entire network of family, friends and dreams. When they embody one’s mental image and act as the voice that determines self-worth and success, disaster and even death can result.

Schaefer said her eating disorder was about a false sense of self-esteem and a fleeting sense of power.

“I was a perfectionist who got straight A’s in school and always had to hold high-level positions in clubs and sports teams,” she said.

Perfectionism goes hand-in-hand with eating disorders and causes the disorder to be more than just about food and weight, she said.

“In real life, you can’t always be perfect, but what my eating disorder told me was that I could control my size, weight and food intake,” she said.

She described how the disorder enveloped her thoughts in other areas.

“A teacher could give me a test, but couldn’t make me eat.”

Schaefer’s relationship with Ed tricked her into believing she was a success because she was thin.

Recovery from an eating disorder is a serious undertaking, and Schaefer emphasized the outstanding reputation of the counseling services available at Iowa State. She explained the importance of seeking medical, psychological and spiritual help to recover from the disorder.

“My family and friends were a great support staff and helped me start listening to my own voice again, not Ed’s,” Schaefer said.

She related stories of the deathly disorders by speaking of several friends who died of struggles with bulimia and anorexia.

“Recovery is finding joy again, and I had to divorce myself from Ed in order to be well again,” she said.

Schaefer conveyed to the audience how an eating disorder can destroy someone’s dreams and flesh.

“The world is open to you, and an eating disorder shuts it down,” she said.