One of the inevitabilities of life at this latitude, winter, comes upon the northern plains with regularity this time of year. Who would have thought, then, that’d we’d have to wait till the first weekend in December for our inaugural blanket of ice? To that end, here are a few survival tips (satirical, tongue-in-cheek or otherwise) for those experiencing their first winter in Ames:

1) It gets (or at least seems to get) colder sooner and stays colder longer in Ames than anywhere else imaginable. While there are no statistics to back this claim up, you can be most assured that it will feel like it. Especially if you have class at 8 a.m.

2) If you live off campus: good luck. City of Ames snow removal abilities tend to vary quite widely, from “hardly at all” to “just enough to say we did something.” The 2-to-6-inch layer of compacted snow, ice and frozen meltwater that remains will be there until sometime in April.

3) The snow-and-ice laden trees on campus look really awesome – for about the first 12 hours. After the first couple of days or so, you really start to wish facilities planning and management would knock the snow off so you could get down the sidewalk.

3a) If you ride a bike, watch your head. Those branches just got a lot lower.

3b) The north entrance to the Memorial Union gets insanely slick. The west entrance is highly recommended.

4) Where there aren’t tree branches lying on the ground, the snow removal on the sidewalks is really quite good, as well as fast. It’s amazing how fast the university can move snow when it needs to.

5) If Fort Dodge gets 6 inches, Ames will get a foot. If Boone gets 4 inches, Ames will get a foot. If Nevada gets an inch, Ames got a foot. If Ankeny gets a foot and a half, Ames will get 3 feet.

6) A quarter-inch of snow is practically nothing.

6a) A quarter-inch of ice is practically the end of the world.

7) For those of you in the dorms: whatever directions the Department of Residence gives you before you leave for break, follow them! While minor flooding helps drive out pesky things like insects, rodents and the occasional small mammal, it’s not so great on things like carpet, electronics or pretty much anything on the walls below your room. It also irritates the DOR to no end.

8) If you haven’t ridden CyRide yet, you will.

9) “Three inches of snow and 25 mph winds” really means “Half an inch of ice, 10 inches of snow, wind chill in the minus 20s and a minor hurricane on its way down from Canada.”

10) If you live in an apartment or dorm that overlooks an intersection, a highly recommended form of entertainment on snowstorm days is to pop yourself a big bowl of popcorn, turn your chair to face the window, and prepare to watch hour after hour of insurance claims in the making.

So put away those miniskirts, jogging shorts and tennis shoes. Now is the time for parkas, wool socks and the best-insulated boots you can find. Welcome to Ames!

– Ryan Frederick is a senior in management from Orient.