Some students reminisce about high school days, wishing they could relive the memories of their past. Others would rather not. Tim Miller, sophomore in journalism and mass communication and former Daily staff writer, would prefer to not.

For Miller, high school represents a time when he didn’t fit in, playing a part in his struggle with depression.

“I was aware of what [depression] was but you almost think, ‘it’s not going to happen to me,'” Miller said.

The struggle

Miller’s struggle with depression began his sophomore year of high school.

After backing into a car, he panicked and fled the scene. Miller got flak from his classmates for his careless decision. He describes this time as when “people didn’t notice me.”

Refusing to drink and being largely anti-social did not make him popular among his classmates in his small Iowa high school.

Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin and Nirvana provided an escape from school where he often got in arguments with teachers and disliked everyone.

“When people weren’t there for me, music was there for me,” Miller said.

Pestering from his mother about his lack of social life and friends was a constant source of conflict between them.

“It wasn’t like I cared anymore,” Miller said. “I kind of had to [get good grades] to make my parents happy.”

The summer after his sophomore year provided a break from his classmates and Miller began to feel better, not yet aware he was depressed. Feeling better, he went into his junior year with a better outlook. However, he eventually re-entered depression.

“I just didn’t think anyone knew what I was going through at the time,” Miller said.

“It was more dark, a feeling of ‘I can’t get out of this.'”

Suicidal thoughts

Ron Jackson, staff psychologist for Student Counseling Services, said anger can be another symptom of depression, particularly for men.

“It’s more socially acceptable for men to be angry than sad,” Jackson said.

During this time, Miller also experienced suicidal thoughts, sometimes three to five times a day, what Miller describes as ‘little blurbs.’

“The biggest things when I was suicidal was, ‘will anyone remember me when I die?'” Miller said.

“That was huge, and sadly what helped me get out of it was ‘no one’s going to remember me when I die, so I need to live.'”

Jackson said suicidal thoughts need to be taken seriously.

“Come in right away and talk to someone,” Jackson said. “Thinking of dying and feeling like dying, are clear signs you need help right away.” Despite his suicidal thoughts, Miller avoided counseling.

“I didn’t think I needed counseling,” Miller said. “I thought I was completely normal.”

What is depression?

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 18.8 million Americans are affected by depression disorders.

Lisa Griffith, therapist for the adult intensive outpatient services at Mary Greeley Medical Center, said there needs to be more awareness and education about depression for college students, especially during orientation. Many people who come in for help often don’t know they are depressed, or have never been treated for depression.

“There is still a stigma with it, unfortunately,” Griffith said. “It’s an illness, it’s a biological problem, it’s more than being blue.”

Jackson said symptoms of depression include feeling sad, tearful or discouraged, as well as not enjoying life, having difficulty concentrating or a lack of social interactions, or feeling irritable, angry or frustrated. Depression can cause changes in sleeping and eating patterns.

Jackson said depression is complex because it “can co-exist with relationship problems, academic problems, anxiety, eating disorders. It’s part of almost every disorder adjustment problem people have.”

Counseling on campus

The general need for SCS has increased 18 percent since the past three years, according to the 2006-07 clinical services summary compiled by Mark Becker, staff psychologist for SCS. The summary is an assessment of clinical demand trends.

Further findings show the SCS staff “has been able to successfully meet this demand, despite reduced clinical resources,” Becker wrote in the summary. The use of individual counseling services has increased 18 percent and group counseling service made available has increased 63 percent since three years past. Screening appointments offered have increased 11 percent, and the use of crisis appointments increased 15 percent since three years past.

Jackson said counseling can have positive effects on treating depression, by participants having support and validation through talking about how to manage losses and changes. He said counseling can help identify one’s needs whether it is group therapy, exercise or medication.

“With medication, there’s a stigma, it’s a crutch,” Jackson said. “There’s a fear what the side effects are going to be.”

Jackson noted this gets in the way of looking at the benefits of medication, which can motivate a person if they are too sad or tired to do things.

“Medication can provide a lift from the darkness,” Jackson said.

Greg Yeakel, chief staff pharmacist at Thielen Student Health Center pharmacy, has noticed antidepressants now have lower side effects compared to the past.

“When Prozac came out, that really revolutionized treating mental health,” Yeakel said. “It was safe, just the fact that people weren’t winding up with side effects such as drowsiness and gaining a lot of weight.”

Dr. Marc Shulman, staff physician at the Thielen Student Health Center, said at orientation they inform new students of how the Wellness Center and SCS can help with depression.

“We want to get the word out there that we can help them,” Shulman said.

Someone to listen

A change for Miller occurred the summer before his senior year when he began hanging out with a childhood friend. Miller did not tell her his suicidal or dark moments, but having a friend to talk to helped his moods.

“Just having someone to listen is amazing,” Miller said. “It was nice to have someone who genuinely liked me.”

Meifen Wei, assistant professor of psychology, has done studies about students and depression. Wei found fewer students are depressed if they have friends. Wei said it is important for students, especially freshmen, to build friendships and make connections. When one does not have support, he or she is more likely to become upset and depressed, Wei said.

“People need to connect to people,” Wei said.

Gradually over the summer and into his senior year, Miller noticed a change. He no longer felt as angry and he learned not to care what others thought of him. After writing an autobiography in March of his senior year, through looking back at the past couple years, Miller realized he had been depressed.

“This isn’t normal, this is angrier than normal people are,” Miller said. “This is darker than more people are, this is the rock bottom.”

If you’ve dealt with depression and now have a happier and healthier lifestyle and feel a sense of purpose, Jackson said it is still important to keep yourself in check of your health and be aware if things aren’t going smoothly to seek help before things get worse. Fortunately, Miller has not experienced depression since high school and thinks it is because he is no longer there.

“I was looking forward to college,” Miller said. “It was the light at the end of the tunnel.”

Jackson said college can be a chance for students who did not enjoy high school to forge new connections and be a new person.

“A change in social environment and living environment and the academic style is a risk, but for some people, it’s like getting out of prison and into the free world,” Jackson said.

For some college, can be the opposite, “when you’re leaving high school and starting here, you’re expect to have life to be wonderful and terrific but you’ve lost you identity and your role,” Jackson said.

Jackson said depression can be a consequence if one can’t build a new identity or social connection.

Miller’s advice is to be more aware of a person’s actions and words.

“I think people need to be more aware of cries for help, they’re not going to be super obvious,” Miller said.

Jackson had simple advice for students.

“If you’re hurting, get help,” Jackson said.