2008 isn’t going to be a good year for Republicans – they have no winnable candidates. The Republican Party continues to shift from the limited-government, lower-taxes platform to something of a fundamentalist Christian “values” movement. There are still some Reaganites around, but the Moral Majority isn’t voting for them.

Unlike the Democrats, with the exception of Rudy Giuliani, the Republican candidates aren’t media whores – quite contrarily, they are absolutely dull.

Giuliani’s fame as “America’s Mayor” in the wake of 9/11 is largely a farce. The International Association of Firefighters has pointed out mismanagement and profiteering of the situation. Reportedly, Giuliani’s net worth from before 9/11 to now has shot up from $2 million to more than $30 million – largely due to speeches given about his “leadership” during the crisis.

Giuliani is hardly a Republican by any standard – the drastic drop in crime in New York City (which he takes credit for) was an egregious abuse of police power. Racial profiling, brutality and laws that stripped the right of self-defense from law-abiding citizens has made NYC worse – not better.

John McCain – is he still running? The politician formerly known as Maverick was popular a few years ago. His popularity dwindled as the guy who didn’t toe the party line when he started to toe it – his first mistakes probably coming when he went on “Hardball” at Stephens Auditorium.

The McCain campaign’s internal problems led to disorganization and several key players stepped down.

Fortunately, both McCain and Giuliani don’t have a chance in hell after skipping the straw poll.

Morman Mitt Romney is more of a politician than any of the others to follow, and he’s got the greatest chance of success at the Iowa caucus. A supporter of constitutional amendments outlawing gay marriage, Romney’s kinda-Christian religion seems to be close enough for most Christians, (you know, “cause the most important thing is that the gays don’t take over the nation and turn our kids gay”).

To make matters worse, he’s not a Republican in any of the good ways. He supported and signed into law a bill that created socialized health care in Massachusetts. Luckily, it’s been nothing but a failure.

Mike Huckabee, former governor of Arkansas, is best known for losing a hundred pounds in a matter of months. Huck’s strong points are that he cut Arkansas taxes enough to save rednecks $300 million (there is that much money to be had in yard-car sales, apparently). Then we’re back to that Christian values thing (whatever that is). He’s a Baptist minister – no gay marriage for him. He also supports funding for Creationism and Intelligent Design in high school biology.

Sen. Sam Brownback from Kansas is about the same.

Although the outlook is grim for Libertarian-minded Republican businessmen who haven’t drank the fundamentalist Kool-Aid, there is one candidate who stands out above the rest.

Congressman Ron Paul, of Texas, is known as “Dr. No” because he always votes “no.” Paul vows to return our government to one that respects the Constitution – ridiculous government regulation would be curtailed and the gold standard restored. The Ron Paul Revolution, an Internet phenomenon made of college students like you and me, raised $5 million to support Paul this quarter.

Despite his massive popularity for finally saying something that makes sense – radical change to the embarrassing mess that is the federal government – neither party, nor the media, pays attention. Republicans, you’ve got little time to restore your party to what it was before President George W. Bush ruined it for you. One thing’s for sure – if the Moral Majority gets its way, the Republican Party’s fate is similar to the Whigs.

– Aaron Gott is a senior in political science from South Amana.