Vicarious grief. It’s a term that seems appropriate for the sequence of events that has occurred this last month with the massacre at Virginia Tech and the loss of a fellow Cyclone, Abel Bolanos.

Bolanos, who would have completed his sophomore year at Iowa State this week, was found dead in Lake LaVerne following an extensive search after he went missing the night of March 31 and was found three days later by search and rescue teams.

This marked the loss of a fellow student, a classmate and for some, a best friend, but while friends have mourned the loss of Bolanos, other students who didn’t even know him mourn a vicarious grief as well.

“It’s really tragic, I mean, it’s the loss of a human being and there is no real way to describe it,” said Dennis Martin, senior in philosophy, who watched expressionlessly as rescue divers pulled Bolanos’ body out of Lake LaVerne on April 3. Martin didn’t know Bolanos.

“I wonder how many times I have seen him on campus and just didn’t know it,” he said.

Grief because of the loss of Bolanos can be inflicted and felt in people, like Martin, who didn’t even know him.

“Somebody else’s grief can be vicarious and can be triggered by this event and not really because they knew this person, but because the feelings are the same,” said Joyce Davidson, associate director of student counseling services. “It’s the feelings that are triggered.”

These emotions felt by the ‘vicarious grievers’ are deeply embedded and could be related to a loss they experienced some time in their lives, Davidson said.

“Whenever there is something like a tragedy or a death or an accident, there are always folks who have experienced something themselves that may be similar and are touched again in that way, even if they do not know the person,” Davidson said.

But how does this grief affect the people who really are experiencing a close loss in their life? There are those who talked to Bolanos on a daily basis and those who worked with him at Red Lobster, 1100 Buckeye Ave.

“It is understandable that the people who were very close to the person would feel like they wouldn’t understand why someone else would be so affected,” Davidson said. These feelings and misunderstandings are normal and real, she said.

“Sometimes people feel swept up by emotion because there is a group effect,” Davidson said. But despite the misunderstandings, friends and acquaintances of Bolanos have joined together in the weeks after his death to raise money for a memorial benefit that is scheduled for Saturday at the Saylor skate park just south of Ankeny.

“The fundraiser is to help Abel’s parents cover some of the costs of the funeral,” Chris Perkins, a friend who used to skate with Bolanos, said. “[His] family didn’t have a lot of money.”

The benefit will be held from 6 to 8 p.m. at the indoor skate park and will have free food and drinks. Anyone under the age of 18 who plans to skate is required to have a parent sign a release waiver. There is also a viewer’s deck with tables for spectators. All free-will donations will be accepted at the door and there will be giveaways from local sponsors.

“There’s going to be some top-notch skaters there,” Perkins said. “Just come to show support.”