Many people do not realize what they have until they lose it.

Most of the time we associate that saying with material or physical items. However, after we lose someone special to us, we relate it to the person we miss. Our grandparents are some of the most underrated and under-appreciated people in our lives.

Sadly, I didn’t realize this until both of mine were gone. This tells the story of my grandma and I’s relationship.

Dear Grandma,

Today my mother told you she was pregnant. She was finally going to have a baby and you were so excited. You didn’t even know the gender of me yet but you were already calling me your little princess. Sometimes I can hear you and my mom talking about all you can do for me when I grow up. You sound so loving, I can tell your hugs will be my favorite.

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Dear Grandma,

Today I was born, and I was right about your hugs being my favorite. You shed a tear when you saw me and I wondered why but I couldn’t figure it out. I’m excited to spend the rest of my life growing with you. I hope you’ll be around forever.

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Dear Grandma,

Today, I told you I hated you for no good reason at all. I couldn’t even remember why I said it. Even to this day I still mill through my mind and wring my thoughts dry trying to think of any reason at all why I could hate such a loving person. I cried and apologized to you but I couldn’t get the gut-wrenching feeling of the words “I hate you” dripping from my tongue like venom. If I would have known what would come next I would have never even thought what I said. I’m so sorry, Grandma.

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Dear Grandma,

Today, I got the most heart-stopping, gut-wrenching phone call I’ve ever received.

I knew you were sick for a long time but I didn’t think that you were this sick. I was told that you had been rushed to the hospital. I was told that you had lung cancer. I cried for a long time but then I remembered how strong you were. People beat cancer all the time, so why not you?

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 Dear Grandma,

When I was little I always thought the worse pain that could ever come was the long sting from a sunburn. Little did I know the sting that I was about to feel was tenfold the worst sunburn I had ever had. I was told that cancer had spread to not only your lungs but your liver and lymph nodes as well. My stomach fell through the floor.

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Dear Grandma,

Today, your hair started to fall out. You’re rushing in the bathroom to throw up. The meals I once loved eating became nothing more than air held in spoons. Your diet, cinnamon flavors and an ocean of water. I began to think that this was the beginning of the end.

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Dear Grandma,

I started preparing a speech for your funeral. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever written because words could not describe a human more loving or kind or patient. But I knew I had to say something. I always said to you, “I love you to the moon and back.” But I would have to change it to heaven and back.

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Dear Grandma,

Today, you had a change of view. Your life turned around, and your head scarves that hid what you thought was shameful, now turned into flags that you wave proudly because you can say, “I did it!” Today you were declared in remission, and I swear on that day when it started to rain, it was papa crying tears of joy from heaven.

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Dear Grandma,

Today, I turned 18. Your hair is starting to grow back, although it looks like salt and pepper puppy fur. When you gave me my gift, you started to cry and when I asked why, your simple reply was, “I don’t want you to grow. You’re my little girl.” Little did she know that I was not going anywhere and neither was she. I could not imagine living life without my grandma.

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Dear Grandma,

Today was the worst day of my life. Today is the day that I had to say goodbye. Your cancer came back fast and unexpectedly. I barely had enough time to tell you I loved you. I know you’re in a better place now. I already have the speech for your funeral prepared. From this day forward, everything I do is going to be in honor of you and papa. Until we meet again, I love you to heaven and back.

Sincerely,

Your Lacey Bug