Ahoy there me hearties, and a fine and plunder-filled day to ye!

In case ye been stuffed in a brig and don’t be knowin’, today is Sept. 19 and that most important of lingo-inspired holidays – International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

This is the day when we proud scoundrels and scalawags celebrate wooden teeth, wooden legs, pilfered Doubloons and most important, aaargh own formulation of the English language.

Now, I’se aware that buccaneer folk like myself don’t have a spotless reputation. We’ve been known to buckle the occasional swash and aye we do keel-haul the occasional bilge-rat.

But pillage as we might, there is a greater enemy that must be defeated.

I am talking, of course, about those filthy traitorous dogs known as ninjas. I don’t need to tell ye at all, they’re as scurvy characters as I’ve seen in all the Seven Seas, and I don’t care for the cut of their jib at all.

If I ‘ad me way, we would take every last land-lubbin’ one of ’em and send them on the long walk down a short plank straight down to Davy Jones’ locker.

You might be askin’ me why I ‘ave such a low opinion of the ninja.

In the first place, a pirate never explains himself. It’s me own private pirate business. So, why are you asking? Who do you think you aarrgh?

In the second place, pirates and ninjas are and always ‘ave been mortal enemies. We’ve scrapped and brawled since the invention of the schooner. We’ll never get along, and we don’t want to.

That’s not to say we don’t ‘ave a lot in common. A ninja is a double-timing samurai, just like a pirate is a black-gutted sailor.

The difference be, pirates are kings of the sea and ninja are katana-wielding cowards.

Ninjas are spineless mercenary scum who run around hiring their curvy sword to anyone with a piece of pretty-poly.

They’ve no pride at all, like we honorable pirate-types.

It’s not that we pirates be philanthropists at the best of times, shiver me timbers, no.

All me best friends be murderous cutthroats, but how am I supposed to trust a lily-libbered, tight-lipped ballet dancer in a black tights who don’t be knowin’ how to set a main sail?

If you ask me, they ‘ave serious personality issues with their silly masks and nasty throwing stars. One thing’s for sure, no day of work a ninja ever did earned him a galleon-full of plundered rum.

Want more proof ninjas are cowards? Even the teenage mutant turtle kind never set foot offshore. They’re reptiles, what be their excuse?

We all know the answer. They be afraid to face pirate steel.

Kevin Stillman is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Emmetsburg. He is the Daily news editor.