I am three months older than LeBron James. And that, my friends, is the only possible thing I can think of that makes me better than King James. LeBron is playing basketball at a level never before seen. Not even his Airness in the pre-Space Jam days was better. And the kid has been able to drink for only four months.

Check out these numbers: 31.4 PPG, 7.2 RPG, 6.7 APG. Those are as ridiculous as seeing microwaveable popcorn in a vending machine (I did see that, by the way. Isn’t the point of a vending machine to grab a quick snack?)

Remove from your mind for a second that ‘Bron ‘Bron is only 21. For the sake of comparison let’s take a look at Jordan’s best year statistically (88-89). M.J. put up 32.5 points, eight boards and eight assists. That’s not half bad.

But in the late ’80s teams played defense with about as much attentiveness as a ditzy girl after a 25th shot of liquid cocaine. Not the best foot speed.

M.J. scored 32 percent of his team’s points in his banner year. LeBron has scored 34 percent this season. Scary.

What’s really amazing is LeBron’s numbers have increased as the year has gone on. In the last six games the King is averaging 40 points, nine yanks and eight dimes. He’s been messin’ around with playas like a White House intern (I’m channeling my inner Stu Scott. I apologize).

He is putting up numbers similar to the players I used to create in NBA Live back in the day. When I was 10, I would jack up Create-A-Blum’s ratings all the way and make him a 7-foot-6-inch point guard. Virtual Blum would get a triple double in every game and set every modern record in NBA history. And I’m guessing zero of you are surprised I would do that.

LeBron is single-handedly leading the Cavs to the playoffs for the first time in eight years. Seriously, try to name three other players on Cleveland? And no, Craig Ehlo is no longer on the team.

Now think about this for a second. LeBron should be a junior in college. Can you even comprehend that? What in the name of Joakim Noah would LeBron manage to do in college? Would he have ever lost a game? Would they make him sit down in the second half of games, like that kid in seventh grade who matured way too fast and had the full grown mustache? (Everyone had one of those guys in school.)

Let’s just say LeBron’s high school sweetheart wanted to be a veterinarian and she convinced ‘Bronie to follow her to Ames and Iowa State. How amazing would that have been?

I highly doubt Captain Morgan would have been let go in that situation. The Cyclones would currently be on a 100-game winning streak.

And couldn’t Dan McCarney persuade LeBron to play wide receiver? He couldn’t be stopped on fade routes. LeBron, Blythe and Meyer would lead Iowa State to the first dual football and basketball title in history. Ames would be the sports epicenter of the world, with sightseers flocking from across the globe to see this great campus and the King.

Instead, James decided to dominate the NBA. Poor choice. At least I still have the virtual Blum.

– Brent Blum is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.