With the upcoming GSB elections this weekend, I felt it was an appropriate time to endorse my own candidates. I am by no means taking anything away from either of the two slates running for Iowa State’s student body president, but I do think there are a few duos that could also represent the Cyclone students.

1. Ron Artest/ Kenny Rogers – This group means business. If you even look like you are going to raise tuition, they will come at you with their fists cocked. That’s the type of action this university needs. I don’t see ISU President Gregory Geoffroy or any state legislator standing up to this tandem. The only problem here is Rogers is a little camera shy and Artest has prior commitments to Tru Warrier records. I actually downloaded a few of his songs and they were halfway entertaining.

2. Bode Miller/ Sasha Cohen – These two are riding the Olympic wave vote. I think they may be able to gather a good percentage of the moderate voters. Miller has shown the ability to really “straddle” an issue. That’s a political quality you don’t find everyday. Cohen, on the other hand, has the innate ability to “skate” around controversy. (I had to, I apologize.) With Veishea on the horizon, Iowa State doesn’t need any more trouble. Cohen also would gather a high percentage of the male vote, because of her combination double salchows and triple lutz. Her signs in the Memorial Union read, “I do salutz.”

3. Shawn Taggart/ Jiri Hubalek – This combo is not doing so well in the polls, but have a nice platform. Their slogan is, “We score and let you score.” I’m all for that! That’s the type of simple slogan that is effective with the 18-to-24 demographic. Nebraska’s Aleks Maric and Baylor’s Mamadou Diene have contributed large sums of money to the campaign. Reasons are at this time unknown, but under investigation.

4. Kobe Bryant/ Kobe Bryant – He is so good, he is running by himself. When asked about his plans for the Government of the Student Body for the next year, Bryant responded, “I do what I do. I ball. Nobody can stop me. The other candidates are like the Raptors. You know what I did to them? That’s right, I dropped 81 on their platforms. 81. I don’t need any help. Screw the VP. I’m the VP, treasurer, chief of staff and senate. I’ll run the GSB by myself. I’m renaming it the Glorious Savior Bryant. You better believe that.” Lamar Odom was found on campus tearing down Bryant’s signs. Again, reasons at this time are unknown.

5. Wayne Gretzky/ Rick Tocchet – The duo out of Phoenix is planning on investing the student fees from GSB into an “investment opportunity.” When questioned further, they replied, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Let’s just say we are well-connected. How did Canada lose in the quarter-finals of the Olympics with all of that talent? Need we say more?” Political experts are calling them the sleeper of the GSB race.

Whoever you vote for, get out and vote. Whether it be for Kobe, Bode or one of the actual candidates, do it. Heck, write in Pedro if you have to. I don’t want to sound like Diddy, but if you don’t vote, I’m sending Tanya Harding’s bodyguards after you. And goodness knows that’s not a good thing. They have crowbars.

– Brent Blum is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.