To anyone who cares: I am in a quandary. I am in so much moral conflict I can’t even muster the ability to watch another game of basketball. I don’t know what is happening to me. I feel like I am turning into some alien species that Keanu Reeves would blow up in a B-movie. And you know what? I deserve it. What has put me in this conflict? I am developing warm feelings for the University of Iowa basketball team.

OH MY GOSH! I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence. But it’s the truth, and you have earned the truth. Most of me wants to give myself a Stephen from “The Real World: Seattle” slap to the face for thinking of such a preposterous belief, but I can’t lie to you. I like the Hawks, but I hate the Hawks. I am having a Jim Carrey in “Me, Myself & Irene” multiple personality moment.

When I was 6 years old, I told myself that at no time on this earth would I ever do several things: 1) Wear a bandanna, 2) Watch any movie in which John Travolta has a starring role or 3) Have any positive thoughts about the Iowa Hawkeyes. (Yes, I really thought about bandannas and Travolta in kindergarten. Did you watch “Look Who’s Talking, Too?” Travolta was out-acted by some “biological” fish.)

For whatever reason, part of me feels drawn to this group of Hawkeyes. Maybe it’s because they are first in the Big Ten conference. Maybe it’s because I hope they keep winning so Steve Alford goes to Indiana and thus quits poisoning the great state of Iowa with his hair spray. Maybe it’s because they start four guys from this state. It’s kind of special to see guys such as Jeff Horner, Mike Henderson and Greg Brunner, who I saw play AAU and high school basketball, have so much national attention.

Despite the makeup of Iowa, they are playing winning basketball and there is no disputing that. But, then again, it’s freakin’ Iowa. I would rather be a fan of the Soviet Union.

I would rather cheer for the dealer in blackjack. Am I so desperate to follow a winner that I am stooping to this level? I hope not. That’s the same type of attitude that causes you to make bad decisions at the bar, which leads to the MAR: “Morning-After Regret.” Not that any of us have done that before.

With that said, I am having trouble not rooting for this group of Hawks, and for that I should be hit with a shovel. Besides Adam Haluska and his “Laguna Beach”-like cockiness, this group is very hard to dislike. Erek Hansen is so goofy-looking with his disproportionately small head and Alex Thompson looks so completely outmatched, I find myself excited when they make a play. If they can win games looking like that, what am I capable of doing? Watching Iowa is truly a motivational experience and I am enjoying it.

If you never read anything I write again, I don’t blame you. Half of me just gave the other half a swift kick to the shins for writing this. But honestly, in the end, I want Iowa to win just enough that they get upset in the first round of the NCAA tournament by Hampton. How awesome would that be? I rest my case.

– Brent Blum is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.