I’m sure you waited all week to read my brilliant analysis of the Houston Bowl. Well, here it is: Stevie Hicks had 9 carries for -1 yard; Iowa State had four turnovers.

Whew, I’m exhausted – it took me three days to research those mind-blowing figures. The game may have been a bit of a disappointment, but the trip was definitely one to remember. If you weren’t able to make the trip, here is some of what you missed.

– I’m not sure who is running radio stations these days, but I’m 95 percent confident they have some sort of relationship with Chris Brown. No, not the former Colorado running back. You know the Chris Brown who repeats, “Run it, Run it, girl, indeed I can run it, run it.” The song was so over-played in every area of the trip that Nickelback’s “Photograph” was a pleasant song to hear. By the way, does anybody listen to “Run It!” and think about our lack of a run game during the bowl game and get depressed? It’s probably just me.

– I’m going to be honest with you, motorists in Dallas are part fearless, part incredibly insane. Nobody properly prepared me for hitting the Big D in rush hour. Especially when I had no idea where I was going. Granted, I thought I-235 was semi-challenging. But still, people changing six lanes at a time at 85 miles per hour, in spaces tight enough that Kate Moss couldn’t squeeze through, is just flat-out uncalled-for. After I made it through the city, I threw my arms up toward the big man upstairs, a la Albert Pujols. I count driving through Dallas as my second greatest feat of all time, right behind knocking out Mike Tyson in “Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!”

– OK, here’s my theory on Houston. Before I upset anybody, I loved the city. Seriously, I had a great time and the people were fantastic. But the amount of car dealerships, restaurants, over-sized furniture stores, massive churches and cleverly disguised gentlemen’s clubs was shocking. So my theory is that Houston is a self-sufficient city with roughly five industries. People buy cars from each other, then go eat at each other’s restaurants, after that they buy furniture to place in their gentlemen’s clubs, they go use the furniture they just purchased and of course go to church the next morning to cleanse themselves. It’s a constant cycle.

For what it’s worth, a member of my “posse” claimed the Texas Longhorns logo, which was all over the place, looks like a certain anatomical part that about half the population has. Props to anyone who mentions that tonight.

– I knew it would be a rough week when our cab driver the first night, who was actually named Shizad, asked, “Iowa? Where is that?” Me: “About 1,000 miles north of here.” Shizad: “Oh, it must be cold up there in Canada.”

My face looked like Mike Tice after he was just fired; not extremely shocked, but wishing I was on a boat.

– Perhaps the best thing I learned during the entire five-day fiasco came from a pleasant, Grandma-looking ISU fan named Shirley. We were sulking at a local establishment after the game when Shirley pulled up a seat to give us a few words of advice: “Boys, keep drinking and the losses seem like wins.” Shirley, wherever you are, thank you.

– Brent Blum is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.