December has arrived. That means finals are only 10 days away and rent is due. It also means Christmas presents have to be bought. I’m purchasing everyone on my list “The Guide to Helping Out Friends in Rehab by Holding Their Drug Paraphernalia in Your Vehicle, Therefore Endangering Your Entire Professional Career,” by Michael Irvin. It’s the gift that keeps on giving, because you never know when you will be asked to hold someone’s pipe.

Anyway, that 15-page paper isn’t starting itself, so here are some quick hits on the world of sports.

Why do some insist on calling that certain Saturday last week, “Black Saturday?” It’s not like our football team had a shot at a Big 12 championship. We clearly didn’t have a volleyball team snubbed from the NCAA Tournament. Heck, you would have thought Iowa State lost a men’s basketball game to a team from the Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference at home. That would never happen. What a bunch of pessimists.

If the Detroit Lions’ Dre’ Bly takes a Scantron test during Finals Week, how would he go about filling out the apostrophe?

Rahshon Clark now has the most electrifying athletic play in the history of Hilton Coliseum. I’ve thought for 24 hours about this and I’m making the official call. I Tivo’d the “Clark Combo” and have been replaying it over and over and over. I’m mesmerized. The man literally jumped from two feet inside the free throw line, leaped over several mortals – his foot at the same height as UNI’s Brooks McKowen’s head – and hammered home a missed shot. It was so amazing, Hilton had to collectively go, “That didn’t just happen, did it?” before exploding.

The fact that Clark’s tip dunk didn’t make SportsCenter’s Top 10 plays is a disgrace and deserves a special Congressional investigation. The man jumped over three people! That doesn’t happen every day, ESPN. ESPN must have been too busy watching Stu Scott and Stephen A. Smith argue in the parking lot.

Stu: “Dude, you taking my parking spot was as uncool as the other side of the other side of the pillow.”

Stephen: “Quite frankly, your tone is confusing me.”

I love those two.

The St. Louis Rams’ Ryan Fitzpatrick threw for more than 300 yards and three touchdowns in a comeback win over the Houston Texans. Fitzpatrick graduated from Harvard last spring. What would the opposite of this unlikely feat be? I’m going with the Heat’s Jason Williams being appointed Secretary of Education.

Friendly reminder: Adam Haluska returns to Hilton next Friday. Keep the date open. By the way, to those who created the Ben Jacobson sign displayed on the opposite side of Cyclone Alley – gutsy.

Lastly, props to Nick Leaders, LaMarcus Hicks and Todd Blythe for making first team all-Big 12. It is the first time three Cyclones have made the first team in one year. See, even in the most difficult of weeks, good things happen.

Just call me a self-help book.

– Brent Blum is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.