So you’re stuck here in Ames during the bowl game, but still want to be able to cheer the Cyclones on to their inevitable victory. What could be better than rounding up your crew and throwing a bash in honor of your team’s path to gridiron glory? In honor of one of Iowa State’s biggest sporting events, The Daily presents a guide to putting on the ultimate bowl game party. So as not to leave anyone out of the festivities, this guide is his and hers, so whether you’re rounding up your sorority sisters or a motley crew of Friday night drinking buddies, you’ll be thoroughly prepared to have the ultimate football bash.

Location

His: If you’re any kind of man, you already know there are two key factors involved in scouting locations to throw your party: comfort and TV size. No one wants to see 20 dudes in Cyclone jerseys crammed like sardines into a dorm room and forced to watch the big game on a 5-inch screen. If McCarney and Co. are the same size as the characters in “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” when they hit your screen, your TV is too small. If your house/apartment/dorm room isn’t equipped to handle a large number of guests and your TV won’t pass muster, it’s time to start thinking about moving your bowl game base of operations to one of your buddies’ places. Things to look for here are not only the aforementioned ginormous television screen, but also couch/recliner space and fridge size. You’re going to want to be able to seat all of your friends comfortably with a good view of the action and have plenty of space for a variety of frosty beverages. If your friends are reluctant to let you host a party at their place, promises of free food, beer and that you’ll actually try to get some girls to come to the party this year can all be effective negotiating tools. You should, however, never, ever promise to help clean up the after-party mess.

Hers: If you’re any kind of woman, you already know that there are two key factors involved when entertaining: decorations and a clean space. Who wants to come over to a dirty house/apartment/dorm room when the space is already cramped enough as it is. Start by throwing out the stack of old pizza boxes and cash in that mountain of cans and bottles. Use the extra change to buy crepe paper and balloons. It works best if they’re in the colors of cardinal and gold. And guys, if you really want us to invite you to our parties, you must always, always help clean up the after-party mess.

Food

His: Any man’s man will tell you that the staple foods of any successful sports party involve dead animals. Hot wings, pizzas, chili and little smokies by the truckload are undoubtedly the way to go if you’re hoping to please a bunch of football fanatics for an entire day. Basically, anything that is spicy and/or in some way detrimental to your cardiovascular health is a safe bet. Also, don’t forget about other basics like chips, salsa, pretzels and peanuts. Encourage your friends to each bring something or at the very least hand over some cash to ease the financial pain and suffering that often comes with hosting one of these things. If everyone doesn’t leave your party with a severe case of “gut rot,” you probably didn’t buy enough food. If one of your buddies comes in asking where the salad bar is, send him home immediately.

Hers: Rule No. 1: Pizza and beer aren’t going to cut it. If you really want to impress your guests, you must leave Papa Johns out of this. Start with festive hors d’oeuvres. Perhaps a cheeseball in the shape of a football with an array of crackers and mixed vegetables to dip. For the man’s man, it’s probably best to have some meat hanging around, but you can always jazz it up. How about grilled chicken salad boats? Also, turn those messy hot wing appetizers into an easy-to-make, easy-to-eat fruit or vegetable pizza. And think how cute quick crab-stuffed artichoke bottoms would look all nicely arrayed on a silver platter.

For dessert, there’s only one option: cupcakes adorned with cardinal and gold frosting. To make the crowd gasp in awe, you could always get that handy frosting decorating kit out to create little footballs, Cys and pompoms for the tops of the cupcakes. Invite your friends over so this tedious task turns into a fun social gathering.

Drinks

His: If you’re 21 or over, there are three little words that will make your party successful in the beverage category: beer, beer and beer. Possibly mankind’s greatest invention since the wheel, beer is essential to any man’s survival and this is especially true during sporting events. Depending on the actual number of guests and their ability to consume, you’ll need anywhere from a couple of cases to a couple of kegs. Once again, you might want to encourage your pals to chip in or even make the event BYOB. If you’re under 21, sorry kiddo, but you better stick with soda, juice and water.

Hers: If you’re over 21, there is one way to show your spirit and keep things lively within the beverage category – team-colored Jell-O shots. Also, usually for most girls, football is rather boring, requiring a crazy drink to add some flair. Try these interesting concoctions, created especially for the Houston Bowl matchup: TCU – the tequila and Captain unibomb. And for ISU – the Ice 101 Smirnoff ultimate. Hey, you need a drink that hits just as hard as the linebacker on the quarterback.

Halftime Entertainment

His: Keeping a bunch of alpha males in line during halftime presents a challenge to even the most seasoned party host. There are several strategies you can take, however, to keep your friends on the couch and prevent an apartment trashing. Halftime is a great opportunity to bust out the XBox, Playstation 2 or whatever game system you might have lying around. Shooting each other and blowing stuff up is a great way to relieve frustration if the game isn’t going your way. If you’re of age, drinking games are also a viable option, and at most, all you’ll need is a deck of cards or some plastic cups to pull this one off. If all else fails, pop in that Jenna Jameson DVD you just bought. If that doesn’t keep a bunch of dudes glued to their seats, nothing will.

Hers: Girls, your absolute most important task of the entire bowl game party is to keep the guys away from all forms of video game entertainment. I’m sure you’ve all experienced this extremely distressing situation that grates on your very last nerve, but it’s important that you make the guys be social. If not, disaster will strike. So, in order to keep the party hoppin’, plan an equally entertaining event, such as beating down a pinata in the shape of a horned frog, and then celebrating once a plethora of mini-bar-style liquors fall out.

One more thing. Never, ever succumb to Josh’s final alternative entertainment option. If a male guest tries to nonchalantly sneak in porn, send him home immediately.